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Band 5

Some people think that it would be better for larger companies and industy to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #companies #industy #move #areas #centers
Some would argue that it would be better for larger companies to move to provincial areas outside large urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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, as it can improve economic growth in regional places. In my opinion,
this
 idea outweighs
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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 as
this
 procedure creates more working opportunities on
the
Correct article usage
a
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 local basis, like
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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 of urban amenities in
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 new territories. The main advantage of relocating all industrial enterprises to regional zones, where
is
Correct pronoun usage
there is
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 no variety of jobs, is creating job opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
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 locals who can not
findplace
Correct your spelling
find a place
 of employment.
This
 enables them to find their purpose and
work
 with pleasure.
For example
, a highly ranked profession in agriculture, especially in the countryside. The truth is that not everyone wants to
work
 as a farmer. So, creating new specialty positions
such
 as manager,
accountant
Correct word choice
or accountant
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 is beneficial, because when you are passionate about your
work
, you are more likely to excel, feel fulfilled , and have a positive impact. Despite
this
, I believe that the competition for good positions will increase among the locals, as they do not have enough experience, and individuals may struggle to achieve their devised career goals in comparison with citizens. To ensure professional workers with experience, companies will need to
initially
 invite employees from the big city and provide them with all necessary resources like
resident
Replace the word
residency
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, transportation and a high salary to
work
 there.Because not everyone agrees to
work
 in a sparsely populated area.
For instance
, rural zones would not offer a
wild
Correct word choice
wide
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 range of amenities
such
 as restaurants,
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
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, museums and recreational facilities, which contribute to a higher quality of life. Employees may prefer living in areas with easy access to these amenities for leisure and entertainment.
Hence
, it would be less attractive to employees to
work
 there.I believe that it would be quite costly to relocate
elsewhere
 and no one would agree to
this
 offer. In conclusion, larger companies can provide a range of job facilities for locals,
anyway
Add a comma
anyway,
show examples
 these industries often prefer hiring more experienced workers, resulting in a shortage of professionals .
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, make sure you develop your ideas more comprehensively. Although you responded to the task, expanding on your arguments with more detailed examples and further analysis could enhance the clarity and depth of your essay. For instance, you could detail specific economic benefits or societal impacts following the relocation of companies to regional areas.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, aim to enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. While your essay has an overall structure, using a wider range of linking phrases and clearer topic sentences for each paragraph will improve readability. Transition smoothly from one point to the next by explicitly stating how ideas connect, ensuring your argument progresses naturally.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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