Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance.Discuss both view and give your opinion.

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The tendency in our aspirational world is money. Yes,

people

Use synonyms

's worth is being considered

while

Linking Words

evaluating them.

While

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some

people

Use synonyms

think that

success

Use synonyms

comes from working hard in life, others think that

success

Use synonyms

comes mostly from wealth and good looks.

Although

Linking Words

both points of view make sense, I believe that the secret to

success

Use synonyms

is hard work. In the paragraphs that follow,

this

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essay will provide clear examples to support each side of the argument. Working hard with a

lot

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of ambition will eventually be the reason for reaching your goals. But

this

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needs a

lot

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of patience.

For example

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, students usually finish university willing to start working. There are those who work hard to reach their goals rather than give up.

Moreover

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, we often listen to successful businessmen, how they started their careers which they don't admire, but ended up being so wealthy and relating

this

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to their dedication and a

lot

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of determination until they reach their passion.

On the other hand

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, several

people

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allege that a successful person is a person with wealth or an attractive appearance.

Furthermore

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, they contend that

hardworking

Correct word choice

hard work

show examples

does not exert a substantial impact on fortune. As far as I am concerned, one of the main reasons why they claim

such

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consists of envy. Indeed, the vast majority of the population contemplate that famous

people

Use synonyms

, who reach a plethora of breakthroughs throughout their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

, do not extremely labour.

However

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, it would be unfair

not to mention

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the fact that numerous opulent

people

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have been working a

lot

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in order to become wealthy and famous.

Besides

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, it is difficult to create an outstanding composition or performance and actors and singers make an effort to glorify themselves.

Also

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noteworthy

Linking Words

that

Add a missing verb

is that

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is right that money and attraction exert a significant influence.

Nevertheless

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success

Use synonyms

can not exist without perseverance and diligence.

Consequently

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, a human, who wants to be wealthy, should endeavour hard.

To sum up

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, I would stress that having made these points, it is true that

such

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a tendency incurs criticism.

Nonetheless

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, only persons must decide

upon

Change preposition

apply

show examples

for themselves, what

does

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

success

Use synonyms

mean

Correct subject-verb agreement

means

show examples

for them. In my opinion, if riches are used for the right purposes, their benefits outweigh their drawbacks undoubtedly

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task response

To improve in task response, ensure that your essay directly addresses every aspect of the task with a balanced discussion of both views and a clear personal opinion. Providing more specific and varied examples can enhance your argument and the completeness of your response.

coherence cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow of ideas throughout your essay. Making smoother transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs can help. Consider using a wider range of linking phrases to more clearly connect your ideas and points.

task response

Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your points. While you have provided some examples, further specificity and detail can better illustrate your arguments and reinforce your stance on the topic.

17
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

366 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

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Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance.Discuss both view and give your opinion.

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