Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance.Discuss both view and give your opinion.
The tendency in our aspirational world is money. Yes,
people
's worth is being considered while
evaluating them. While
some people
think that success
comes from working hard in life, others think that success
comes mostly from wealth and good looks. Although
both points of view make sense, I believe that the secret to success
is hard work. In the paragraphs that follow, this
essay will provide clear examples to support each side of the argument.
Working hard with a lot
of ambition will eventually be the reason for reaching your goals. But this
needs a lot
of patience. For example
, students usually finish university willing to start working. There are those who work hard to reach their goals rather than give up. Moreover
, we often listen to successful businessmen, how they started their careers which they don't admire, but ended up being so wealthy and relating this
to their dedication and a lot
of determination until they reach their passion.
On the other hand
, several people
allege that a successful person is a person with wealth or an attractive appearance. Furthermore
, they contend that hardworking
does not exert a substantial impact on fortune. As far as I am concerned, one of the main reasons why they claim Correct word choice
hard work
such
consists of envy. Indeed, the vast majority of the population contemplate that famous people
, who reach a plethora of breakthroughs throughout their life
, do not extremely labour. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
However
, it would be unfair not to mention
the fact that numerous opulent people
have been working a lot
in order to become wealthy and famous. Besides
, it is difficult to create an outstanding composition or performance and actors and singers make an effort to glorify themselves. Also
noteworthy that
is right that money and attraction exert a significant influence. Add a missing verb
is that
Nevertheless
, success
can not exist without perseverance and diligence. Consequently
, a human, who wants to be wealthy, should endeavour hard.
To sum up
, I would stress that having made these points, it is true that such
a tendency incurs criticism. Nonetheless
, only persons must decide upon
for themselves, what Change preposition
apply
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
success
mean
for them. In my opinion, if riches are used for the right purposes, their benefits outweigh their drawbacks undoubtedlyCorrect subject-verb agreement
means
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task response
To improve in task response, ensure that your essay directly addresses every aspect of the task with a balanced discussion of both views and a clear personal opinion. Providing more specific and varied examples can enhance your argument and the completeness of your response.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow of ideas throughout your essay. Making smoother transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs can help. Consider using a wider range of linking phrases to more clearly connect your ideas and points.
task response
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your points. While you have provided some examples, further specificity and detail can better illustrate your arguments and reinforce your stance on the topic.