Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion
Success
is the main purpose of our life. It is argued that hard work and determination lead to the
accomplishment, but some Correct article usage
apply
people
think that money
and appearance
are the crucial elements. From my perspective, I argue with the second statement.
To begin
, achieving success
is very important and rely
on many factors. Many young Correct subject-verb agreement
relies
people
choose start-up
to be successful. Fix the agreement mistake
start-ups
However
, they have to prepare a large amount of money
or try to find the invest
Replace the word
investment
money
from the investors. That is
why the capital play
a crucial role in Change the verb form
plays
success
. A good example of this
is that when young people
want to establish a small business, they need available money
to lease the land and buy infractures
.
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
Secondly
, to become successful require
a good job with Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
high
salary. When you apply for a job, the first challenge you have to pass through is the first impression. Correct article usage
a high
The
Correct article usage
Appearance
appearance
is very important if you go to interview
. Correct article usage
an interview
For instance
, communicate
with customers or Wrong verb form
communicating
appear
in public always priorWrong verb form
appearing
a
person who looks so polite and smart.
Hard Change preposition
to a
working
is Replace the word
work
also
the main factor of success
. When people
want to do something, they need to be enthusiasm
and Replace the word
enthusiastic
hard working
. Add a hyphen
hard-working
However
, it is not enough, because on the road to success
there are a lot of competitors. And Add a comma
success,
people
who do not have conditions such
as money
and appearance
will be lose
.
Change the verb form
be lost
To sum up
, studious
and determination are important factors. Replace the word
studiousness
However
, money
and appearance
are crucial because of job demands and relationships.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Make sure that your essay thoroughly addresses the task. Discuss both views presented in the question before stating your opinion. Your essay seems to lean heavily towards the importance of money and appearance, with a brief mention of hard work and determination. Expand your discussion to give equal consideration to both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Use paragraphs effectively to differentiate your main points. Try to offer clear transitions between paragraphs that help guide the reader through your argument. This will strengthen the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. While you presented some examples, delve deeper into how these examples support your argument. Specific details will make your argument more convincing and your examples more illustrative.