Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
One of the most successful
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
in
achieving goals is Change preposition
of
hard-working
and making an effort, Correct word choice
hard work
whereas
some people assume that money and physical appearance play an essential role in success
. From my point of view, although
there are various advantages in
using possessions and external qualities to be successful, it should be recognized that trying one’s best is more crucial to Change preposition
to
acquire
aims in life.
On the one hand, both possessions and physical appearance are the Wrong verb form
acquiring
best
profitable for some Correct your spelling
most
business
in Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
market places
. To illustrate Correct your spelling
marketplaces
this
point, take a number of renowned brands such
as Dior and Chanel as a prime example where unusual products, as well as
professional models
are altered to meet the demands of customers all over the world. Add the comma(s)
models,
As a result
, their products not only increase the popularity about
high-fashioned consumption but Change preposition
of
also
become an icon in commercial places. Besides
, these companies would gain a profitable income which help them to promote and succeed in Correct pronoun usage
their career
career
.
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
On the other hand
, I believe that due to
working hard and trying our best Change preposition
by
in
a particular aim, people have a chance to achieve their goals and become more successful in life. Change preposition
for
This
means that the more time and effort they spend on enriching knowledge, as well as
characteristic
, the more accomplishment they acquire. Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
Besides
, although
stress-related problems are an integral part which could exist at any time to prevent people from their achievements, they would plan everything more carefully and keep working until success
. For instance
, gaining the
100% scholarship Correct article usage
a
of
Harvard University is a difficult goal for almost all Change preposition
from
the
exchange students. Correct article usage
apply
However
, if learners know how to make a suitable plan and have a sustainable determination, they could have an opportunity to attend to
Change preposition
apply
this
college.
In conclusion, while
money and physical appearance play an essential role in the way to success
, it should be recognized that working hard and determination are more crucial to accomplish many important achievements. Therefore
, making a plan should be appreciated which is added to the way of success
.Submitted by khoi11nk11e on
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task achievement
Ensure the essay introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument along with your own opinion to guide the reader.
task achievement
Develop and expand your main ideas with more precise examples or evidence to support your points. This helps the reader understand and be convinced by your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating transitions between paragraphs and within them to improve the flow of ideas. Phrases like 'On the other hand,' or 'Furthermore' can aid coherence.
coherence cohesion
Clarify the conclusion by summarizing the arguments discussed and restating your opinion. It helps reinforce your point of view to the reader.