Nowadays, a large amount of advertising is aimed at children, so some people think there are lots of negative effects on children, and should ban it. To what extent you agree or disagree?

There are 2 essential harmful effects of
over advertising
Add a hyphen
over-advertising
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on
children
.
First,
children
might be more affected by advertisements than adults. Especially,
children
who
obsessed
Add a missing verb
are obsessed
show examples
with certain brands. They may want to purchase their favourite brand's new product when they see their advertisement.
Furthermore
, sometimes they can't control
theirselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
and they could start to force their parents to buy .
As a result
, a
big
Correct word choice
large
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quantity of advertising can influence
children
towards want to buy a new
equipmant
Correct your spelling
equipment
and can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
to some disagreement with their parents.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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Task Achievement
Your essay should start with an introduction that paraphrases the question and presents a clear opinion. This helps set the context and direction for your essay.
Task Achievement
Develop your argument with more detailed examples and explanations. You mentioned the influence of advertising on children's desires but elaborating on the psychological or social implications can deepen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay lacks a conclusion that summarises your argument and reiterates your viewpoint. A conclusion is crucial for a round, complete essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs: an introduction, at least two body paragraphs each presenting a separate idea, followed by a conclusion. This helps with the logical flow and clarity.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph flows naturally from one to the next. Use linking words and phrases like 'Firstly', 'In addition', 'Furthermore', and 'As a result' to create a seamless narrative.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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