Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in team sports, like football. While other people think that taking part in individual sports is better, like swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some
people
believe that team
sports
are more valuable, such
as team
working skill and competitive manner will be enhance
Change the verb form
be enhanced
while
playing these kinds of sports
, others think that individual sports
are more essential because it encourages self-discipline and chance to push own boundary. I think both perspectives are valuable, and people
can choose it
their own preferences. In my opinion, I Correct pronoun usage
apply
more
keen on Add a missing verb
am more
to support
individual Change the verb form
supporting
sport
.
On the one hand, Fix the agreement mistake
sports
team
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
such
as football and basketball are encouraged
Wrong verb form
encourage
team working
skills, Correct your spelling
teamwork
such
as collaboration and understanding others’ weakness
and strengths, which are essential in our society. Fix the agreement mistake
weaknesses
For example
, in most secondary schools, basketball is highlighted in main
curriculum of physical education subject because most pedagogies believe that teamwork is essential. Especially for Change the article
the main
young
generation, these skills help them for their successful study. Add an article
the young
However
, in my perspective, individual sports
are more beneficial.
On the other hand
, individual sports
have own
advantages Correct pronoun usage
their own
such
as encouraging individuals’ discipline and chance to listen
their own Add the preposition
listen to
mind
and Fix the agreement mistake
minds
body
. Because of these Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
reasons
adults may be more interested in individual Add a comma
reasons,
sport
rather than children, and it can give chance to Fix the agreement mistake
sports
listen
their body and mind Add the preposition
listen to
while
pushing their boundaries through practicing
individual Change the spelling
practising
sport
. Fix the agreement mistake
sports
For example
, in Mongolia, there is an increasing number of people
practicing
skiing because of its advantage of stress relieving. In my case, I more like to take part in individual Change the spelling
practising
sports
because of the reasons that
mentioned above.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
To conclude
, team
and individual Fix the agreement mistake
sports
sport
are both valuable and Fix the agreement mistake
sports
people
need to choose their own circumstances, in my opinion, individual sports
are more essential because Correct pronoun usage
they
it
can be dedicated Correct pronoun usage
they
self-time
in Correct your spelling
time
this
busy lifestyle.Submitted by zulzayanyamkhu on
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structure
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introduction/conclusion
Include a distinct introduction and conclusion. Your essay has these components, but making your thesis statement and concluding statement stronger and clearer will significantly improve your essay.
examples
Support your main points with more specific, clear examples. You provided examples, but adding more detailed and specific examples will enhance the depth and persuasiveness of your argument.
development
Address the task directly and develop your ideas comprehensively. You've addressed both views and your own opinion, but further elaboration on why you prefer individual sports, with more details and examples, could enhance your task achievement score.