Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in team sports, like football. While other people think that taking part in individual sports is better, like swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #part #team #sports #football

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Some

people

believe that

team

sports

are more valuable,

such

team

working skill and competitive manner will

be enhance

Change the verb form

be enhanced

show examples

while

playing these kinds of

sports

, others think that individual

sports

are more essential because it encourages self-discipline and chance to push own boundary. I think both perspectives are valuable, and

people

can choose

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

their own preferences. In my opinion, I

Add a missing verb

am more

show examples

keen on

to support

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supporting

show examples

individual

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

. On the one hand,

team

sport

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sports

show examples

such

as football and basketball

are encouraged

Wrong verb form

encourage

show examples

team working

Correct your spelling

teamwork

show examples

skills,

such

as collaboration and understanding others’

weakness

Fix the agreement mistake

weaknesses

show examples

and strengths, which are essential in our society.

For example

, in most secondary schools, basketball is highlighted in

main

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the main

show examples

curriculum of physical education subject because most pedagogies believe that teamwork is essential. Especially for

young

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the young

show examples

generation, these skills help them for their successful study.

However

, in my perspective, individual

sports

are more beneficial.

On the other hand

, individual

sports

have

own

Correct pronoun usage

their own

show examples

advantages

such

as encouraging individuals’ discipline and chance to

listen

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listen to

show examples

their own

mind

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minds

show examples

and

body

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bodies

show examples

. Because of these

reasons

Add a comma

reasons,

show examples

adults may be more interested in individual

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

rather than children, and it can give chance to

listen

Add the preposition

listen to

show examples

their body and mind

while

pushing their boundaries through

practicing

Change the spelling

practising

show examples

individual

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

For example

, in Mongolia, there is an increasing number of

people

practicing

Change the spelling

practising

show examples

skiing because of its advantage of stress relieving. In my case, I more like to take part in individual

sports

because of the reasons

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

mentioned above.

To conclude

team

and individual

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

are both valuable and

people

need to choose their own circumstances, in my opinion, individual

sports

are more essential because

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can be dedicated

self-time

Correct your spelling

time

show examples

this

busy lifestyle.

Submitted by zulzayanyamkhu on Tue Mar 26 2024

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structure

Ensure a clear, logical structure throughout your essay. While your essay demonstrates a good overall structure, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance cohesion.

introduction/conclusion

Include a distinct introduction and conclusion. Your essay has these components, but making your thesis statement and concluding statement stronger and clearer will significantly improve your essay.

examples

Support your main points with more specific, clear examples. You provided examples, but adding more detailed and specific examples will enhance the depth and persuasiveness of your argument.

development

Address the task directly and develop your ideas comprehensively. You've addressed both views and your own opinion, but further elaboration on why you prefer individual sports, with more details and examples, could enhance your task achievement score.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

276 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

camaraderie
teamwork
leadership skills
social interactions
self-reliance
personal discipline
cooperative learning
peer motivation
flexible schedule
psychological benefits
collective achievements
sense of accomplishment
personal accountability
wellness goals
social interaction
personal mastery
solitary tendencies

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Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in team sports, like football. While other people think that taking part in individual sports is better, like swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There are those who consider work to be the paramount aspect of life, suggesting that without career success, life loses its meaning. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You have just won two tickets to a concert and want to invite your friend to go with you write a letter to your friend.In the letter: •give detalis about the concert •describe how you won the tickets •explain why you 've chosen your friend to go with you

today,the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not real needs of the society in witch they are sold. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

More and more plastic waste is polluting cities, countrysides and oceans on the world. What problems does it cause? What are the solutions?

In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reasons？Is this a positive or negative development？