Some people believe that reading stories form a book is better than watching tv or playing computer games for children to what extent do you agree or disagree.

Many
people
think children get more benefit from reading
books
than playing video games or watching
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
. It is agreed that
books
could help
learning
Change the verb form
to learn
show examples
and making
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
habit for youth to develop
perseverence
Correct your spelling
perseverance
individuals in the
future
rather than spending times on watching television or computer games.
Books
contain a lot of
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
and give many advantages for a child to be a better adult in the
future
. A certain category
such
as personal development could illustrate and give a glimpse of how
people
think and feel
from
Change preposition
about
show examples
some life events like choosing the right career, how to manage
time
, and many others. It will benefit
people
who read
this
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
can learn without
Correct article usage
the need
show examples
need
Correct article usage
the need
show examples
to experience
before hand
Correct your spelling
beforehand
show examples
.
For instance
, teenagers can practice what is the best way to manage their
time
with a framework which could help them in the
future
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
in working life.
In addition
, it
also
could help them to focus more and try to explore new things for every
books
Change to a singular noun
book
show examples
they read. Entertainment is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
new disease for young
people
. It is hard for them to control their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
This
is because they still have
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
awareness
what
Change preposition
of what
show examples
is bad and what is good for them. Other than that, today, parents
also
choose the easier way
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to manage their son and daughter. Gadgets and smartphones are something common in modern society.
For example
, watching a YouTube video when eating their lunch or dinner is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
new normal,
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
they do not want to eat at all and will cry until their parent
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
their gadget back.
Thus
, screen
time
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
to be adjusted
accordingly
. In conclusion,
books
are better in terms of character development and good
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
. It
offer
Change the verb form
offers
show examples
vast
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
knowledge that could benefit them in the
future
.
Although
it is hard for parents to limit screen
time
for their children, it is necessary for them to do it in order to reduce their bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Submitted by riki on

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Enhance your essay's logical flow by improving transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Phrases like 'In addition,' 'For example,' and 'Thus' can help, but strive to make these connections smoother and more natural.
Coherence and Cohesion
Review and revise your conclusion to more effectively summarize your main points and reiterate your stance. A strong conclusion reinforces your overall argument.
Task Achievement
Pay attention to the precision of language and grammar. Even small mistakes can distract from the clarity and impact of your ideas. Consider sentence variety and accurate vocabulary to express nuances in your argument.

Your opinion

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