IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that reading stories form a book is better than watching tv or playing computer games for children to what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Many
people
Use synonyms
 think children get more benefit from reading
books
Use synonyms
 than playing video games or watching
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
. It is agreed that
books
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 could help
learning
Change the verb form
to learn
show examples
 and making
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 habit for youth to develop
perseverence
Correct your spelling
perseverance
 individuals in the
future
Use synonyms
 rather than spending times on watching television or computer games.
Books
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 contain a lot of
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 and give many advantages for a child to be a better adult in the
future
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. A certain category
such
Linking Words
 as personal development could illustrate and give a glimpse of how
people
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 think and feel
from
Change preposition
about
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 some life events like choosing the right career, how to manage
time
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, and many others. It will benefit
people
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 who read
this
Linking Words
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 can learn without
Correct article usage
the need
show examples
need
Correct article usage
the need
show examples
 to experience
before hand
Correct your spelling
beforehand
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, teenagers can practice what is the best way to manage their
time
Use synonyms
 with a framework which could help them in the
future
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especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in working life.
In addition
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 could help them to focus more and try to explore new things for every
Use synonyms
books
Change to a singular noun
book
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 they read. Entertainment is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 new disease for young
people
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. It is hard for them to control their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because they still have
low
Correct article usage
a low
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 awareness
what
Change preposition
of what
show examples
 is bad and what is good for them. Other than that, today, parents
also
Linking Words
 choose the easier way
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to manage their son and daughter. Gadgets and smartphones are something common in modern society.
For example
Linking Words
, watching a YouTube video when eating their lunch or dinner is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 new normal,
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otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
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 they do not want to eat at all and will cry until their parent
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 their gadget back.
Thus
Linking Words
, screen
time
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be adjusted
accordingly
Linking Words
. In conclusion,
books
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 are better in terms of character development and good
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
. It
offer
Change the verb form
offers
show examples
 vast
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
knowledge that could benefit them in the
future
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.
Although
Linking Words
 it is hard for parents to limit screen
time
Use synonyms
 for their children, it is necessary for them to do it in order to reduce their bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.

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Task Achievement
Focus on a clear thesis statement in your introduction to guide the reader through your argument. It helps in establishing a strong position from the beginning.
Task Achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is supported by specific examples or arguments. This will strengthen your support for each point.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance your essay's logical flow by improving transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Phrases like 'In addition,' 'For example,' and 'Thus' can help, but strive to make these connections smoother and more natural.
Coherence and Cohesion
Review and revise your conclusion to more effectively summarize your main points and reiterate your stance. A strong conclusion reinforces your overall argument.
Task Achievement
Pay attention to the precision of language and grammar. Even small mistakes can distract from the clarity and impact of your ideas. Consider sentence variety and accurate vocabulary to express nuances in your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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