"Prevention is better than cure" Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventive measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
According to
World
Health Organization, health is Correct article usage
the World
a
physical, mental and social well-being. I agree Remove the article
apply
to
the given statement Change preposition
with
of
prevention is better than cure to a full extent because I believe that even though someone Change preposition
that
cured
Add a missing verb
is cured
from
a disease, the damage done to the mental status can not Change preposition
of
reverse
. In Wrong verb form
be reversed
this
essay, I will discuss the reasons behind my statement.
In third world
countries like Sri Lanka, non-communicable diseases are very common. Diseases Add a hyphen
third-world
as
diabetes mellitus, hypertension, Correct quantifier usage
such as
heart
problems can be easily prevented only from a healthy diet. Correct word choice
and heart
However
, due to
unawareness of that, many people are suffering from these disorders. The sad reality is once you get ill with these, you have to take medication for the rest of your life which will cost you millions since it is uncurable.
Moreover
, in Sri Lanka, oral carcinoma is the most prevalent cancer among males. But ninety nine
Add a hyphen
ninety-nine
percent
of cases have started Change the spelling
per cent
due to
betel chewing and tobacco consumption. Since betel quid has a cultural value people think it is safe to use. If the community is aware of the fact that it is harmful, I believe incidents will reduce
. And the truth is even though patients have undergone surgery, there is a high chance of recurrences.
To treat these conditions, Wrong verb form
be reduced
government
has to spend billions of dollars Add an article
the government
for
theatres, Change preposition
on
well trained
staff, equipment, and medicines and there is still no guarantee that it will definitely Add a hyphen
well-trained
cure
. Though it is curable, being ill is a waste of time. Wrong verb form
be cured
Thus
, from my perspective
it is better to allocate that money for awareness programs.
Add a comma
perspective,
To conclude
, by
allocating money for the public’s knowledge about illnesses and how to prevent them will save Change preposition
apply
country’s
money and will help Correct article usage
the country’s
community
to live a quality life.Add an article
the community
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coherence cohesion
While your essay showcases a clear standpoint and is logically structured, it would benefit significantly from more varied sentence structures and transitional phrases. This can enhance readability and the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Your response covers the task comprehensively, providing relevant examples and elucidating on them clearly. To further enhance your essay, consider juxtaposing your main arguments with contrasting views briefly before refuting them. This demonstrates an understanding of diverse perspectives.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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