Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination,while other think that tere are more important factors such as money and appearance.Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There are those who take the stand that successful
people
result from them making effective plans, while
others argue that other elements such
as diligence and fortune are more vital. This
essay will discuss both views and give my opinion.
On the one hand, working hard with a lot of determination will eventually be the reason for reaching a goal but this
needs lots of patience. For example
, many students in the world try to learn as much as possible to get into a favorite
university. Change the spelling
favourite
Moreover
, we often listen to successful businessman, how they started their careers which they do not admire, but ended up being so wealthy and relating this
to their dedication and lots of determination until they reach their passion.
On the other hand
, there are some who believe money
and pretty looks are everything in life. It means that it could make people
more famous or could help people
to get some promotions and chances. It is fortunate that someone who are beautiful appearance because
Correct word choice
apply
they
can easily Correct pronoun usage
apply
to
get Fix the infinitive
apply
first
impression, so they can simply gain many opportunities. Add an article
a first
Additionally
, people
who are the
rich, Correct article usage
apply
they
can use their Correct pronoun usage
apply
money
to create a
success. It can be understandable that if a person is wealthy, they can use their Remove the article
apply
money
to invest in some projects or to establish their own company.
In my view, I predominantly agree with individuals who believe that success in life come
from hard work and determination because of Change the verb form
comes
a
reliability. Actually, Remove the article
apply
money
and the
looks will not exist forever, so Correct article usage
apply
instead
of depending on that
factors, Correct determiner usage
those
people
should have a clear plan and hard work to achieve long-term success.
In conclusion, although
both views also
have a benefit, in my opinion, it is all about passion and dedication rather than being good-looking without working hard to succeed.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is commendable. However, to further improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to ensure smoother transitions between ideas.
task achievement
For task achievement, you have effectively addressed the prompt, discussing both views and providing your personal opinion. To enhance this area, include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will add depth and relevance to your essay, making your points more convincing.
language use
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and ensure verb tense consistency throughout your essay. Improving accuracy in language use will contribute positively to your overall score.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.