Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What do you think is the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, adolescents in some nations love shopping, which is the most renowned activity in their spare
time
. In my opinion, the two main reasonsof
Correct your spelling
reasons of
reasons
this
negative trend are: Change preposition
for this
their
habit of most young adults since childhood with their parents or relatives, that as they get older, they should not Change the word
the
expend
too much money, and the other reason is the comfortable spot of spending leisure Verb problem
spend
time
.
One main reason why many youngsters spend their free time
going shopping is due to
their parents' habits. In metropolitan cities, shops and entertainment places like theaters
and Change the spelling
theatres
games
zones are available in big malls, so they will choose a mall to visit with their family. The parents can shop, and their children can play at game zones. Change the noun form
game
This
habit will grow with age until youth, which will be detrimental to their future. Adolescents should save their money and not spend too much because it can be more beneficial for a reserve fund if something wrong happens unexpectedly.
The world has become sultrier
than before Correct word choice
smaller
due to
global warming; consequently
, many public places, like shopping centers
or malls, should have some electronic tools, Change the spelling
centres
such
as substantial air conditioners, to make visitors convenient. Therefore
, youngsters really enjoy shopping for several hours, and if they do it frequently, it will become their habit. [My suggestion for this
paragraph is to start emphasizing that shopping is negative.
To conclude
, the shopping trend is negative for the younger generation, as a lousy tradition, because it is wasting time
and money. It is better to do something beneficial in leisure time
and prepare for their future.Submitted by Crowns
on
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task achievement
Be sure to explicitly address both parts of the question in separate paragraphs. Although you briefly mentioned the reasons for shopping being popular, and whether it's positive or negative, these sections could be more developed and clear.
task achievement
Try to provide specific examples or data to support your main points, which could strengthen your argument and make it more vivid.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure. Consider organizing it into distinct paragraphs for introduction, arguments (with separate paragraphs for each main point), and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Be careful not to introduce new arguments or important information in the conclusion. The conclusion should summarize the points you've already made.
coherence cohesion
Check your essay for grammatical errors and unclear expressions. Clear and correct language usage is essential for coherence and conveying your points effectively.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite