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Band 5.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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In many cultures,
children
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 are frequently given the
message
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 that they can accomplish anything if they
work
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 hard enough.
While
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this
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message
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 has some advantages, it
also
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 has certain disadvantages that must be taken into consideration.
This
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 essay will outline both the advantages and demerits of
this
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 practice. One benefit of
this
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 is that it can instil a sense of self-confidence and motivation in
children
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. When youngsters are encouraged to believe that they can achieve anything with effort and determination, they are more likely to persevere through difficult tasks and setbacks.
This
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 can help them develop important skills
such
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 as resilience, self-efficacy, and a growth mindset.
For instance
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,
a child
Wrong verb form
children
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 who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 told that they can achieve anything they set their mind to may be more willing to take on new challenges, even if they are
initially
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 daunting. If a child wants to learn a new skill or participate in an activity that they are not yet proficient in, they may be more likely to try if they have the belief that they can eventually succeed with hard
work
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 and perseverance.
However
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, there are
also
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 some potential drawbacks to
this
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message
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. For one, it may set unrealistic expectations for
children
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, particularly if they are not given the necessary resources or opportunities to succeed.
Additionally
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, if
children
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 are constantly told that they can achieve anything through hard
work
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 alone, it may lead them to overlook the role that other factors
such
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 as education, luck, privilege, and societal structures play in success.
This
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 could ultimately result in feelings of frustration, self-blame, and demotivation if they do not achieve the outcomes they desire. In conclusion,
while
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 the
message
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 that
children
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 can achieve anything through hard
work
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 has its advantages in terms of building confidence and motivation, it is important to consider the potential drawbacks as well. It is hoped that parents and teachers would motivate young
children
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 to
work
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 hard but
also
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 take into consideration other factors that are important for success.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Introduce a broader range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. Use specific connectors to show cause and effect, contrast, and addition to make your arguments more coherent.
Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea that directly responds to the prompt. Expand on these ideas with specific examples and explanations to fully address both advantages and disadvantages.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points further by providing detailed examples and explanations. For instance, supplement your argument about the disadvantages with real-life scenarios or research findings that illustrate the psychological impact of unrealistic expectations on children.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence, work on the transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs to ensure that each idea seamlessly leads to the next. Consider using a more varied structure in your sentences to keep the reader's interest.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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