In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this overweigh the disadvantages?

It has been argued that
children
should be educated by their
parents
at
home
instead
of going to
school
.
While
I accept
educating
Replace the word
education
show examples
at
home
is beneficial for
children
, I believe that it has more negative impacts on their lives. Experts are of the view that if
children
are educated by their
parents
, they can be taught
according to
their abilities because
parents
are more aware of their
children
's capabilities. Some psychologists
also
prove that
children
who are taught at
home
have flexible class schedules, so their classes are formed when they are ready to study and they are not forced to attend when they are exhausted and disinterested.
For example
, the results of a survey which was done by
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
of Tehran
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
indicated that almost
three-fifth
Correct your spelling
three-fifths
show examples
of
parents
believe that their
children
cannot go to
school
in
morning
Add an article
the morning
show examples
because they are sleepy, so they prefer to educate them at
home
.
However
, I would argue that
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
of
home schooling
Correct your spelling
homeschooling
show examples
are more than
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
show examples
.
According to
some analyzers
children
who stay at
home
for
educating
Replace the word
education
show examples
and do not go to
school
, cannot improve their communication skills.
Therefore
, they have more challenges at their
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
and
also
with their spouses in adulthood. Another significant reason could be maintained that all
parents
are not educated, so they cannot help their
children
how to study their lessons.
For instance
,
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
a survey in a local
school
in Tehran,
three-quarter
Fix the agreement mistake
three-quarters
show examples
of
parents
emphasized that they cannot help their
children
in math and science and they have to
employee
Replace the word
employ
show examples
a tutor. In conclusion,
although
some people believe that
children
can learn much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better at
home
,
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
my opinion,
home schooling
Correct your spelling
homeschooling
show examples
has
numerus
Correct your spelling
numerous
disadvantages because in
this
way some proficiencies
such
as communication skills never grow up and
also
some
parents
have problems
to teach
Change the verb form
teaching
show examples
their kids.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

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Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement, make sure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. You need to present a clearer opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and ensure that your conclusion summarises this effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
In terms of Coherence and Cohesion, ensure that your ideas flow logically from one paragraph to the next. Using a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words can help to clarify the relationship between ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
For supporting your main points, try to incorporate a wider range of examples and evidence. While the examples provided are relevant, adding more varied and detailed instances can strengthen your arguments.

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