Some people think it is more beneficial to play sports that are played in teams, e.g. football. And some people think individual sports, e.g. tennis and swimming, are better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals believe that playing team sport games like football is more profitable, whilst others think it is better to play
sports
that are played personally
such
as tennis and swimming. In
this
essay, I am going to discuss both views of these perspectives before drawing a conclusion. On the one hand,
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
games played in teams help
players
gain many skills
such
as communication
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
, time management
skill
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skills
show examples
, teamwork and observation
skill
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skills
show examples
. The most notorious example is in a football game. If
players
want to win and support their
teammate
Fix the agreement mistake
teammates
show examples
, they need to combine many different skills at the same time.
Firstly
, eye contact plays an important role for all members and they use it to communicate with each other throughout the match.
Besides
that, in order to become champion,
players
also
have to sacrifice themself and enhance team spirit, because having a golden goal is the dream of every
sports person
Correct your spelling
sportsperson
show examples
.
On the other hand
, individual
sports
are better
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
some people
with
Change preposition
because of
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
personal benefits like
instill
Wrong verb form
instilling
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self-reliance, discipline and passion in athletes. Winning or losing is entirely up to them and every competition is a chance to express themself,
achieve
Correct word choice
and achieve
show examples
their personal goal. A clear example that illustrates the advantages is
swimmers
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swimming
show examples
. They can practice whenever they want and get a chance to express their talent. They
also
do not have teammates to share the burden of losing matches, which
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
their self-awareness and responsibilities. In other aspects, these
sports
help the youth improve their focus and encourage physical activity earlier. To draw
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
conclusion, both view that having private aspects that are beneficial for each person, whilst playing team
sports
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
players
a chance to develop living and social skills, and individual
sports
help them develop independence and
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
to take responsibility. So I believe that playing sport plays an important role in our lives and each person should choose for themself a suitable kind for development
as well as
entertainment.
Submitted by ntl250605 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme and that all sentences within the paragraph are fully aligned with that theme to enhance coherence.
task achievement
To improve your task achievement score, make sure every part of the question is fully addressed. In this essay, both views were discussed, but you could enhance your response by further emphasizing your own opinion throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking devices and topic-specific vocabulary to improve the flow of your essay and demonstrate a greater lexical resource.
task achievement
Incorporating more specific examples and data, where appropriate, can strengthen your arguments and make your points more persuasive.
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