IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children should study formal learning at school as young as possible. Others believe they should not go to school until they are at least 7. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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A number of individuals assumed that
kids
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 should start their
education
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 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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formal institutions
such
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 as school as young as possible.
Whereas
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, others think that they should not enter
the
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apply
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formal learning until 7 years old. I will discuss both views, I think entering
kids
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in
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into
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 formal
education
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are
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is
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 extremely good as long as they are ready to adapt
with
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to
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 their new environment. One hand, starting formal
education
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 for
kids
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in
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at
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the
Correct article usage
an
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 early age will
provides
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provide
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 new opportunities
about
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for
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 fundamental
ability
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abilities
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such
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 as reading and writing.
Furthermore
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, it
also
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 can train
children
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 to recognise some important cognitive
development
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,
for instance
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, critical
thingking
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thinking
,
problem solving
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problem-solving
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 and teamwork, which
probably
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is probably
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 helpful in their future.
In addition
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,
this
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 decision potentially gives more space for
children
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 to expand relations and social interactions with new people like teachers and peer
group
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groups
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.
For example
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, parents send their daughters or sons
in
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to
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the
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apply
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kindergarten,
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as
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and as
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 a result, their
kids
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 are more
easier
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likely
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 to adapt
with
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to
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social
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the social
a social
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 environment. On another hand, some people
stated
Wrong verb form
state
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 that
children
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 should be
regitered
Correct your spelling
registered
 in formal
education
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at
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for at
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 least
in
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apply
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7 years old because not all
children
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 have mature readiness.
Additionally
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, entering school
require
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requires
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 several qualifications
such
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 as good emotional, cognitive and potential
development
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.
Then
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, emphasizing
to delay
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delaying
show examples
 school entry
also
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 aims to give
play-base
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play-based
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 learning in order to train their basic ability by stimulating
with
Correct pronoun usage
them with
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 some appealing activities. Another reason is to provide more time with family and parental involvement in
children
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's
development
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.
To conclude
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, I think that sending
kids
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in
Change preposition
to
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 formal
education
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 are good decision as long as they already mastered foundation skills and have adequate readiness
in particular
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 aspects like emotional and cognitive
development
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task achievement
Your essay broadly addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument and providing your opinion. However, including more specific examples to support your points could enhance your response. Consider integrating real-world instances or studies that highlight the benefits and drawbacks of early formal education.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity in your essay by paying close attention to the structure of your sentences and the organization of paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations. Transition words such as 'Furthermore', 'Additionally', and 'On another hand' help in linking ideas but strive for variety and precision in language.
coherence cohesion
While your essay demonstrates a logical structure, enhancing the link between ideas can further improve coherence. Use cohesive devices effectively, but don't over-rely on them. Aim for a balance between showing connections between ideas and allowing the argument's progression to naturally unfold.
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