IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that success in life comes dom hard work and determination, while others think that there are more imrotant factors such as money and appearance.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people harbour a belief that hard
work
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 and determination can contribute to success in
life
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, whilst others hold the reverse viewpoint that there are
oter
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other
factors
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such
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 as
money
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 and appearance. From my
perpective
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perspective
,
i
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I
show examples
 am inclined to stand neutrally with both opinions since the mentioned
factors
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 are equally important to a healthy
life
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.
Initially
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, one of the main arguments in favour of hard
work
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 and determination is that achievements at
work
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 easily elevate
oe's
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one's
 confidence since her abilities are recognized by companies.
Therefore
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, hard
work
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 and determination will provide individuals with goals to achieve which will lead to a sense of accomplishment.
Moreover
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, when employees spontaneously set high standards at
work
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, they
ave
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have
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 higher potential than others to gain promotion which will lead to progress in their
socioconomic
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socioeconomic
satus
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status
.
Hence
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, hard
work
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 and ambitions will make people improve and feel recognized in their careers. At the other end of the spectrum,
money
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 and appearance are vital to
buld
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build
 up confidence and have a high quality of
life
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.
Although
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 people usually say"You cannot judge a book by its cover", it cannot be denied that good-looking is able to make individuals feel pleasant and enhance personal confidence. When a person does not need to worry about
money
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.
Money
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 provides
individual
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individuals
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 with
life
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possibilites
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possibilities
 as
the
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they
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 have chances to choose the
lfestyles
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lifestyles
lifestyle
 they prefer.
Thus
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,the two
factors
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 can directly uplift one's self-recognition.
To sum up
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, despite the fact
tat
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that
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 hard
work
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 and ambition have
indespensable
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indispensable
 roles to play in one's
life
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, the satisfaction from
money
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 and appearance cannot be denied.
Hence
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, the listed
factors
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 are equally crucial to balanced
life
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 development.

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Logical Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear overall structure, introducing your topic, discussing each viewpoint, and concluding with your own perspective. Consider using clearer paragraphing to separate different points.
Introduction and Conclusion
Introduce your essay and its main points in the opening paragraph and provide a concise summary and personal viewpoint in the conclusion to strengthen the presence of these sections.
Supported Main Points
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. Consider incorporating statistics, studies, or personal anecdotes to make your argument more compelling.
Complete Response
Address the task by discussing both viewpoints and providing your own opinion. Make sure to cover all aspects of the prompt in sufficient depth.
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Strive for clarity and depth in presenting your ideas. Use topic sentences effectively to introduce each paragraph and develop your points clearly and comprehensively.
Relevant Specific Examples
Include more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. These could be drawn from your own experience, historical examples, or contemporary situations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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