IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
in the modern era, many individuals show
Replace the word
appreciation
show examples
appreciate
Replace the word
appreciation
show examples
Change preposition
for
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 effort and hard
Replace the word
work
show examples
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 in human life but other
people
Use synonyms
 hold the opposite view that it is better to prior finance and the way they look as the most vital things in order to succeed. From my perspective, I believe that determination and hard
work
Use synonyms
 will help
people
Use synonyms
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in both
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 of
work
Use synonyms
 and life and
this
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate more on both views by exemplifying ucid instance.
Initially
Linking Words
, working hard with ambition will reach
goal
Add an article
the goal
a goal
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 have to be patient to get the best outcome. Take Nguyen Khuyen students as a typical example there, these students have to
sudy
Correct your spelling
study
 day by day
during
Change preposition
for
show examples
 three years in high school so as to prepare for their final test to get qualification and
as a consequence
Linking Words
, all of them get
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 good universities.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 often listen to
successful
Add an article
the successful
a successful
show examples
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
show examples
 on
podscast
Correct your spelling
podcast
podcasts
 as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way of being inspired to make an effort to complete their
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
. Another point worth considering is that many
people
Use synonyms
 believe
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 good
look
Fix the agreement mistake
looks
show examples
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stable
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
 will
the
Add a missing verb
be the
show examples
 best
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
lead to success in
work
Use synonyms
, even life.
This
Linking Words
 may be true but it is easily
Wrong verb form
realised
show examples
realise
Wrong verb form
realised
show examples
 that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
Correct article usage
a
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
Replace the word
minority
show examples
minor
Replace the word
minority
show examples
Change preposition
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who only have money but
also
Linking Words
 have beauty but without determination and dedication can approach
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their goal.
Besides
Linking Words
, being lazy and
depend
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on money without working will eventually lead to
fairlure
Correct your spelling
failure
.
For example
Linking Words
, a businessman will never succeed only being rich.
To sum up
Linking Words
, everything mentioned and both views are all keys to
reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 what you want. But in my opinion, hard
work
Use synonyms
 and dedication
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the best
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to reach success more than being
depend
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on money and good
look
Fix the agreement mistake
looks
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Make sure to clearly introduce your essay, stating both views and your opinion succinctly in the introduction to make your stance clear from the beginning.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs, improving the flow of your essay.
Supporting Examples
To strengthen your arguments, include more detailed and diverse examples that clearly support your points. This will make your essay more convincing.
Language Accuracy
Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Accurate use of language helps to clearly communicate your arguments and improves the professionalism of your essay.
Conclusion
Develop your conclusion further by summarizing the discussed views more clearly before reiterating your opinion. This helps to reinforce your position and provides a strong finish to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: