Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others thinks that there are more importance factors such as many and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion?
It is often said that hard
working
and determination will bring individuals Replace the word
work
successful
life Correct article usage
a successful
whereas
a part of people
believes
that there are many priority elements Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
such
as currency and the
good look of appearance. The author of Correct article usage
a
this
essay thought that it is not importance
for Replace the word
important
people
to over appreciate
cash or appearance and Correct your spelling
overappreciate
people
need to concentrate on resolution.
It must be considered a huge amount of teenagers around the world tend to follow the outlook of beauty. The young groups said that there are opening opportunities for Correct word choice
that people
people
who want to work
successfully as a super start. Moreover
, some people
suppose that many high-quality position
can be used money to buy and do not need to learn much. Change to a plural noun
positions
For instance
, some factories in Vietnam was
denounced Correct subject-verb agreement
were
of
using Change preposition
for
relationship
and money for some young managers and lack of Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
experiment
to manage.
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
Conversely
, some citizens try to work
very hard for their job such
as learn
carefully about the Wrong verb form
learning
work
, have
Wrong verb form
having
good
attitude to gain an Correct article usage
a good
impress
salary and Replace the word
impressive
turn
into Wrong verb form
turning
wealthy
. Replace the word
wealth
This
is an evidence
that determination Remove the article
evidence
a piece of evidence
a shred of evidence
and
Correct word choice
apply
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
people
to the top of success
. Additionally
, people
who devote a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
for
a company can receive an award per year. Change preposition
to
For example
, some companies give good treatment for good employment and the reward can gain
about Verb problem
earn
a
half of the salary they get per month. Correct article usage
apply
Besides
that individuals can be promoted to higher position
.
In my point of view Fix the agreement mistake
positions
that
Correct word choice
apply
people
in society must try to work
to get
more and more Verb problem
achieve
success
in life. This
happen
can bring Verb problem
apply
people
turn
Add the particle
to turn
in
Change preposition
into
a
Correct article usage
apply
millionaire
one day. If Fix the agreement mistake
millionaires
people
do not stop to learn and cultivate, success
will visit
.
Taking everything Verb problem
come
in to
account Join the words
into
that
not only money and appearance can bring Correct word choice
apply
success
but also
the
hard Correct article usage
apply
work
can make population
near the wealthy life.Correct article usage
the population
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Task Achievement
To improve task response, ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the task directly. Each viewpoint discussed should be followed by a clear statement of your own opinion. Use more precise language to make your arguments distinct and more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance your essay's structure by clearly organizing it into paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea. Use a wider range of linking phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
Task Achievement
When supporting your main points, aim to provide detailed examples and explanations. Rather than making general claims, use specific instances or studies to substantiate your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
To boost coherence, your essay should have a clear and logical structure, with an introduction that outlines the discussion, body paragraphs that elaborate on each view, and a conclusion that summarizes your opinion. Consider revising your introduction and conclusion for clarity and impact.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.