IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that public health is the responsibility of the government while others think that people should be responsible for their own health. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, whether a
government
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 should step into citizens’
health
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 or not is a controversial question. Some
people
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 think it is their role to take care of themself.
However
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, other
people
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 suggest the
government
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 is meant to be involved in
people
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’s
health
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 responsibility. In my view, I partially agree with the latter idea, as long as public constitutions give appropriate support.
People
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 who argue that the management of personal
health
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 is an individual’s responsibility think we are our own person, and it is not allowed to interfere with personal things by others. After all, each body’s fitness and other conditions are quite different and no one understands more own physical state than ourselves. Whether
people
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 exercise as much as they need to, have a balanced diet, or whether
people
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 usually stay up late, or eat junk food. Everyone’s own options for living a healthy lifestyle or a degenerate standard are in their control of themselves.
Therefore
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, taking charge of sundry outcomes which are brought about by different lifestyles should be
people
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’s role.
On the other hand
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, there are some reasons for arguing that the authorities should engage in
nationals’
Fix the agreement mistake
national’
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health
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, especially for
people
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 who have dire diseases or mental
health
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 problems.
Firstly
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, nowadays, the majority of
people
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 suffer from uncontrolled mental illness, which the public
also
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 lacks ample recognition of,
as a result
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,
people
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 need the
government
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 to provide professional resources,
such
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 as mental
health
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counselors
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counsellors
show examples
 to assist them.
Secondly
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, some
people
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 who suffer from rare diseases can not afford a wealth of medical expenses, they need help
consequently
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.
Finally
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, nationals’ integral
health
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 is very important, it represents the country’s competitiveness.
Moreover
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, poor
health
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 means low morale. The
government
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 has duties to request
people
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 to take note of their
health
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. In conclusion, as they say, “Too much is as bad as little”. The
government
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 only supplies moderate materials and services to prevent waste.
According to
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 situations, if the origins which cause bad effects on our
health
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 are not out of reach,
in other words
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, they can be controlled and coped with by
people
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 themselves,
then
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people
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 should
endeavor
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endeavour
show examples
 to face and change these issues in person without the
government
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’s assistance. Except that
people
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, faced with serious
health
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 trouble need intervention from public constitutions.

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task achievement
Consider adding more relevant and specific examples to help support your argument. This will make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure clarity in your ideas by refining some sentences and expressions. This will make your argument more coherent and easier to understand.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen cohesion by using more linking words and phrases to clearly demonstrate the relationships between your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, and provide a clear framework for your argument.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, discussing both sides of the argument as well as your personal opinion.
task achievement
Main points are generally well-supported, giving strength to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public health
  • Government responsibility
  • Individual responsibility
  • Vaccination programs
  • Anti-smoking campaigns
  • Subsidized medical services
  • Healthcare accessibility
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Food safety regulations
  • Pollution control
  • Occupational safety
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Self-education
  • Proactive management
  • Personalized healthcare
  • Comprehensive health system
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