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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many university students nowadays live away from home and their parents because of their university location, while others live with their families. What are the advantages and disadvantages of each situation?

#university #students #home #parents #location #families #situation
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These days a lot of
students
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 in university migrate to
study
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 at university,
while
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 others prefer to
study
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 in their
hometown
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. There are benefits and drawbacks to each situation that impact a student’s personality and lifestyle.
To begin
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 with, the benefit for individuals who are studying far away from their homes will be more independence. There are many challenges that
students
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 have to face,
such
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 as managing finances and taking care of themselves on their own.
For instance
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, many
students
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 become good at housework after they leave their
parents
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’ house.
In contrast
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, many young people are adversely affected by bad lifestyles. The absence of parent’s rules makes individuals feel free to do anything.
For example
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, there are a lot of
students
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 who
study
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 in another city who fall into drugs.
On the other hand
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,
students
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 who
study
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 in their
hometown
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 and live with their families are more sheltered from negative influences. There are parental rules in their home and their family can control that student’s habits.
For instance
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, several
parents
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 always control their child’s daily activities to make sure their child is safe from a bad lifestyle.
However
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,
students
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 who live with their
parents
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 mostly become not independent because they always rely on their
parents
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. There are many
parents
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 who always take care of their child which makes their child not try to rely on themselves.
For instance
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, many
students
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 are afraid to go anywhere because they are always accompanied by their
parents
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. In conclusion, there are benefits and drawbacks between
students
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 who
study
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 in another city and in their
hometown
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. The
students
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 who migrated to
study
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 will have more independence than individuals who
study
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 in their
hometown
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 and live with their
parents
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. Afterwards, the student is more sheltered from negative influences when they live with their
parents
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 than when they live alone because they
study
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 far away from their homes.
Submitted by writingieltsband9 on

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task response
Ensure your essay has a clear and direct answer to the question posed. While your essay discusses the advantages and disadvantages for both groups, making your stance or comparison clearer from the start could enhance the essay's focus.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Terms such as 'furthermore', 'moreover', and 'consequently' can aid in creating a more cohesive text.
task response
While you provided general examples to support your points, incorporating more specific, detailed examples can provide a stronger backing to your arguments and help increase the relevance and impact of your examples.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • personal growth
  • immersive
  • social networks
  • interpersonal skills
  • financial burden
  • psychological comfort
  • academic integration
  • loneliness
  • isolation
  • adapt
  • mental health
What to do next:
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