Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Many individuals dispute that hard work and desire to lead to
sucess
, Correct your spelling
success
however
, some people
think that having money
and apprearance
can Correct your spelling
appearance
suceed
in Correct your spelling
succeed
life
. In my point of view, I support the idea that hard working
and determination can lead to Replace the word
work
sucess
.
The main Correct your spelling
success
factor
Correct pronoun usage
that make
make
Change the verb form
makes
people
to
become Change the verb form
apply
sucess
is Correct your spelling
success
people
need to become more hard working
in Add a hyphen
hard-working
life
due to
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
everyday
Replace the word
every day
to
Change preposition
in
other subject
can help you to become more professional in your field. Not only hard Change the wording
another subject
other subjects
working
in Replace the word
work
life
but also
human
need to be more Correct word choice
apply
determination
or desire because it will improve our mind to become more active and we can have Replace the word
determined
a
strong thinking to deal with Remove the article
apply
challenge
. Change the form of the verb
challenges
This
factor
can help people
to succeed in life
more when the rivalry of getting job
in the modern day is Add an article
a job
being
serious. Being hard working is a good character to increase the percentage of Unnecessary verb
apply
sucess
in Correct your spelling
success
life
because of
being hard working is helping us to gain more Change preposition
apply
knowledges
to update our Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
mind
day by day.
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
On the other hand
, money
and apprearance
Correct your spelling
appearance
also
have a
important impact Change the article
an
in
the scale of Change preposition
on
sucess
. Correct your spelling
success
Due to having
Change preposition
Having
money
is a good way to improve the quality of soft skill
which Fix the agreement mistake
skills
helping
Wrong verb form
helps
people
's job field
a lot. None of Fix the agreement mistake
fields
company
Add an article
the company
want
someone who Change the verb form
wants
don't
have any special ability to work for them. Change the verb form
doesn't
Therefore
. having money
and appearance can help people
to find job
more easily and easier to become Add an article
a job
sucess
in the future.
Correct your spelling
successful
To conclude
, the main factor
that helping
Change the form of the verb
helps
people
to become sucessful
is Correct your spelling
successful
they
need to Correct your spelling
the
be
more hard work and desire in Verb problem
do
the
Correct article usage
apply
life
. This
factor
will have
Verb problem
cause
people
to become more confidence
and Replace the word
confident
having
enough knowledge so they can become Wrong verb form
have
sucess
.Correct your spelling
successful
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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. The text could benefit from clearer paragraphing and use of linking phrases to better guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to introduce more variety in your sentence structures for added clarity and to better demonstrate your English language proficiency.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and your conclusion succinctly summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the argument you've made.
task achievement
Expand upon your main points with specific examples. This will help to make your arguments more persuasive and grounded in reality, improving task achievement.
task achievement
Correct frequently occurring grammatical errors and typos (e.g., 'sucess' should be 'success', 'apprrearance' should be 'appearance') to improve readability and accuracy.
task achievement
Consider exploring the complexity of the essay topic by acknowledging potential counterarguments or nuances in your opinion. This can enrich your argument and demonstrate deeper critical thinking.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example