IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

It is important for people to take risks, in both their professional lives and personal lives. What is the advantages and disadvantages of this

#people #risks #lives
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Use synonyms
Risk takers
Add a hyphen
Risk-takers
show examples
 achieve
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
success both in their own
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and own
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay will
be discussed
Wrong verb form
discuss
show examples
 both
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 and drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
risk
Use synonyms
 can destroy your hesitation.
For example
Linking Words
, you have a hesitation
while
Linking Words
 you're starting your own business, about
to begin
Linking Words
 or not. In
this
Linking Words
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 you have to take
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
. It doesn'
t
Use synonyms
 matter
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
 will
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 or fail. You'll have an experience about career. We can
also
Linking Words
 say that
risk
Use synonyms
-taking can
also
Linking Words
 build confidence
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 your own abilities. You don'
t
Use synonyms
 know about your abilities and from
risk
Use synonyms
-taking you can try it and
be known
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
that
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 they fail or not. Even though, the benefits of
risk
Use synonyms
-taking there can be
found
Verb problem
apply
show examples
negative sides
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, you can be damaged by your financial stability. If you take
Use synonyms
risk
Add an article
the risk
a risk
show examples
, you don'
t
Use synonyms
 know
it'll
Correct word choice
if it'll
show examples
 work or not. If it doesn'
t
Use synonyms
 work you can lose
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 amount of money.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 failure can
negative
Change the adjective
negatively
show examples
 impact your mental health. You'll be disappointed
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if your work
fail
Change the verb form
fails
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
 health problems can consume
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 amount of money to be addressed. We can summarize from
this
Linking Words
 essay that there can be found positive sides that you can feel confident and your hesitation can be destroyed by risks. But
also
Linking Words
 there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 drawbacks that you will be damaged by both
financial
Change the word
financially
show examples
 and mentally.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion to enhance readability and logical flow.
coherence cohesion
In the introduction and conclusion, explicitly state your arguments or summaries to ensure the reader is clear on your position.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. This includes discussing both advantages and disadvantages in equal measure and making your own position clear.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more comprehensively by exploring them in greater depth, this will make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Use more specific and detailed examples to support your points. This adds credibility and depth to your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
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