It is important for people to take risks, in both their professional lives and personal lives. What is the advantages and disadvantages of this

#people #risks #lives

Risk takers

Add a hyphen

Risk-takers

show examples

achieve

Remove the article

apply

show examples

success both in their own

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

and own

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

Change preposition

This

show examples

this

essay will

be discussed

Wrong verb form

discuss

show examples

both

benefits

Correct article usage

the benefits

show examples

and drawbacks of

this

Firstly

risk

can destroy your hesitation.

For example

, you have a hesitation

while

you're starting your own business, about

to begin

or not. In

this

case

Add a comma

case,

show examples

you have to take

risk

Fix the agreement mistake

risks

show examples

. It doesn'

matter

Correct word choice

if it

show examples

will

success

Replace the word

succeed

show examples

or fail. You'll have an experience about career. We can

also

say that

risk

-taking can

also

build confidence

Change preposition

show examples

your own abilities. You don'

know about your abilities and from

risk

-taking you can try it and

be known

Wrong verb form

know

show examples

that

Correct word choice

whether

show examples

they fail or not. Even though, the benefits of

risk

-taking there can be

found

Verb problem

apply

show examples

negative sides

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

Firstly

, you can be damaged by your financial stability. If you take

risk

Add an article

the risk

a risk

show examples

, you don'

know

it'll

Correct word choice

if it'll

show examples

work or not. If it doesn'

work you can lose

huge

Correct article usage

a huge

show examples

amount of money.

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

failure can

negative

Change the adjective

negatively

show examples

impact your mental health. You'll be disappointed

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

if your work

fail

Change the verb form

fails

show examples

Then

health problems can consume

huge

Add an article

a huge

show examples

amount of money to be addressed. We can summarize from

this

essay that there can be found positive sides that you can feel confident and your hesitation can be destroyed by risks. But

also

there are

few

Correct article usage

a few

show examples

drawbacks that you will be damaged by both

financial

Change the word

financially

show examples

and mentally.

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Wed Mar 27 2024

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coherence cohesion

Work on structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion to enhance readability and logical flow.

coherence cohesion

In the introduction and conclusion, explicitly state your arguments or summaries to ensure the reader is clear on your position.

coherence cohesion

Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.

task achievement

Ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. This includes discussing both advantages and disadvantages in equal measure and making your own position clear.

task achievement

Try to develop your ideas more comprehensively by exploring them in greater depth, this will make your argument more convincing.

task achievement

Use more specific and detailed examples to support your points. This adds credibility and depth to your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

219 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Opportunities
Growth
Innovation
Challenges
Self-discovery
Resilience
Uncertainty
Consequences
Calculated risks
Stagnation
Regret
Comfort zone
Entrepreneurship
Adventurous spirit
Thriving
Failure
Mitigate
Reap the rewards

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You arranged to visit a friend in Canada but an important event at home now means that you must change the dates of the visit. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter explain the important event apologise for the situation suggest a new arrangement

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