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Writing Samples
Band 6

the following chart shows the adults of different ages of the UK who use the internet everyday.

the following chart shows the adults of different ages of the UK who use the internet everyday.
The bar chart provides information about the use of the
Internet
Use synonyms
 by adults of different ages every day in the UK between 2003-2006.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the 16-24-year-old
years
Use synonyms
 old
group
Use synonyms
 was the highest used on the
internet
Use synonyms
 in the period.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the 65+
years
Use synonyms
 old
group
Use synonyms
 was the lowest in using the
internet
Use synonyms
 for 3
years
Use synonyms
 since 2004-2006.
According to
Linking Words
 2003
internet
Use synonyms
 users until 16 - 64
years
Use synonyms
 old the 16-24-year-old
years
Use synonyms
 old
group
Use synonyms
 was the highest , followed by the 45-54-year-old
years
Use synonyms
 old
group
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the 25-44
years
Use synonyms
 old
group
Use synonyms
 was lower than the 45-54
years
Use synonyms
 old
group
Use synonyms
, and the 25-44
years
Use synonyms
 old
group
Use synonyms
 was lowest
this
Linking Words
 year. The 65+
years
Use synonyms
 old
group
Use synonyms
 has no
internet
Use synonyms
 users in
this
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, in 2004-2006 there were different ages people who used the
Internet
Use synonyms
 in every age of adults. The 16-24-year-old age
group
Use synonyms
 was still the highest of all ages for three
years
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the 16-24 year old
group
Use synonyms
 dropped in 2006.
However
Linking Words
, the 25-44 and 45-54
years
Use synonyms
 old groups dramatically increased every year.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words internet, years, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital Literacy
  • Internet Penetration
  • Technological Proficiency
  • Online Presence
  • Access to Information
  • Generational Gap
  • Cyberspace
  • Connectivity
  • Social Networking
  • Digital Native
  • Digital Immigrant
  • User Demographics
  • Broadband Access
  • Digital Inclusion
  • Tech-Savvy
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