IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Today's
fast pacing
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fast-paced
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generation
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 mostly
teenagers
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 every time they
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
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 to try sugar-based
drinks
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.And
due to
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 the fact that the consequences are apposite for
teenagers
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 health.In the forthcoming paragraph, I will explain and discuss why
people
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 like sugar-based
drinks
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 and what are the solutions for not using these kinds of
drinks
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 in their lives. Mostly
people
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 like
teenagers
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 try new things like adding new
drinks
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 in their daily lives like sugar-based
drinks
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 which may lead
people
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life
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 in very big problems in the future aspects.Because in starting age of young adults are trying new they
drink
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 more sugar-based
drinks
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then
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 the sugar level in their bodies increases day by day
due to
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this
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 high level of sugar body suffers from high blood pressure.To avoid
this
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 kind of disease
people
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 live a healthy
life
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instead
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 of drinking high or extra-based
drinks
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.
People
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 can add bitter gourd to maintain the sugar level in their blood. On the other aspects in recent
generation
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 who
drink
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this
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 kind of
drink
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 are mostly
teenagers
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 and the younger
generation
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's reason behind
this
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 is because of the toxic environment.The younger
generation
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 is looking
other
Change preposition
for other
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people
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 to
drink
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 so they wish to try so teachers and parents are trying to guide and tell them that not good for their health and in schools need to add a separate subject to knowledge about a healthy
life
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.
In addition
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 government needs to apply
a
Correct article usage
apply
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high taxes on these sugar-based company
drinks
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 to not supply too much.
To sum up
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 ,One of the scientists said that anything we
drink
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 or eat today will help to develop or may affect our body and mind.So, today's
generation
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 is very useful for our upcoming future
People
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 need to avoid extra
drinks
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 in their daily
life
Use synonyms

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. It's important to present your ideas in a structured way to make them easy for the reader to follow.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphing effectively to separate different ideas or parts of your response. This helps in making your essay more coherent and easier to read.
task achievement
Support your main points with clear arguments and relevant examples. This will help in developing your ideas more comprehensively and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Take care to address the task directly, ensuring that you cover all aspects of the prompt. Make sure your response is complete and that you have clearly explained your reasoning on the given topic.
general
Work on improving the range and accuracy of your grammar and vocabulary. This will not only make your argument clearer but also more engaging for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay is logically structured and that your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. Use cohesive devices (linking words, pronouns, etc.) effectively to achieve this.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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