The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum . To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum

In the contemporary world ,

rapid

Correct article usage

a rapid

show examples

increase in the number of overweight individuals causes

health

care

experiencing

Change the verb form

to experience

show examples

severe obstacles

with

Change preposition

show examples

solving

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

health

problems. In the meantime , a group of people believe that the best solution to

this

problem is adding more physical education lessons

Change preposition

show examples

the current curriculum. I completely agree with

this

idea and in the following paragraphs will articulate why. First of all, nowadays people consume more fast food and foods high in calories frequently and

health

issues related to obesity are more than ever before.

Thus

, these actions of mass really

making

Wrong verb form

make

show examples

the situation worse for

health

care which is already fighting with a lot of diseases and patients.

Secondly

, there are a lot of ways of informing people about their eating lifestyle in order to help the situation.

For instance

, there should be some sort of

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

informative precaution about eating on programs on the

Correct your spelling

show examples

, on newsletters,

between

Correct word choice

and between

show examples

ads mainly for adults.

Moreover

, providing more PE lessons in school will lead children and teenagers to

learning

Change the verb form

learn

show examples

about sports and the importance of their eating habits'

affect

Replace the word

effect

show examples

on their body. To illustrate

this

, research conducted by various universities

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

proved that children who participate more in PE lessons reduce the risk of being

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

obese significantly.

Submitted by elnur.adil on Wed Mar 27 2024

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task achievement

Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance. Consider refining your thesis statement for clarity. Your conclusion should re-emphasize your viewpoint and summarize main points.

coherence cohesion

Work on creating a more compelling introduction and conclusion. These are essential for guiding your reader through your argument and emphasizing the importance of your views.

coherence cohesion

Develop a more structured logical flow. Use transition words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs smoothly, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.

task achievement

Support your main points with a wider variety of examples and evidence. While you mentioned research from universities, include statistics, studies, or real-world examples to strengthen your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

212 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity rates
health care system
physical education
instill
long term
raise awareness
healthier lifestyle choices
nutritional education
active transport
quality of instruction
facilities and equipment
diet control initiatives
community sports programs

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that the goverment is responsible for crime prevention. Others think that it is individuals responsibility to pretocet themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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