IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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In modern society, the topic of
science
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 is the topic that
people
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 are always arguing about. Everyone has their own opinion on how much
money
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 we need to spend on each field of
science
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, what the aim of exploring those things is, and why we need to do
this
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. In the first place, I would say that
science
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 is the most important thing about
people
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 being, that’s the thing that helps us exist,
for instance
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, we can somehow understand what is going on in our galaxy or ocean, which saves us from dying of those dangerous places,
also
Linking Words
 it’s about technology and a
lot
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 of other things because
science
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 has a
lot
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 of different fields.
Science
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 is the thing why we are still living, but everyone has their own wishes and predictions about it. For now, our world is not only about exploring but
also
Linking Words
 about
money
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, a
lot
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 of laboratories and corporations have the pursuit of
money
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, and the popularity of
science
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 dropped slightly, not in the way that
people
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 stopped doing something with it but just in the way that some scientist, I could say more of them, are not passionate about
this
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, and they could do a
lot
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 of troubles for our society and environment. As I see
this
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 situation, the main aim of
science
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 now is to get rich. The population is dependent on the government or private corporations because they know more,
moreover
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, they can sell the information to millionaires and they have all the opportunities to use it for their own good. In conclusion,
personally
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personally,
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 for me,
science
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 is the best thing to ever exist and it’s the thing that we won’t live without, but
people
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 should rethink what they are doing and what responsibility they have when they consider themselves scientists, maybe in the past the main aim of
science
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 was to improve
people
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’s lives but
subsequently
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, the number of
people
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 that are interested in
money
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 grow, and for some reasons now it’s not only about improving our world.
Submitted by wegeeetz on

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task achievement
Focus more clearly on directly answering the essay question throughout your essay. Be explicit about whether you agree or disagree with the statement and use specific reasons to support your position.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraph structures that clearly separate your main points. A good strategy is to start a paragraph with a clear topic sentence that indicates what the paragraph will discuss.
task achievement
Include more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. General statements are less convincing than specific, concrete examples that clearly demonstrate your point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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