IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
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There is a prevailing belief that,
while
 some
museums
 ask for payment in order to get access, others are charge-free. Charging people, to provide
museum
 services can become a mainly strong advantage for both sides. On the one hand, some people argue that because of the charges they cannot easily visit
museums
, being left with the opportunity to visit, only the ones that are free. In cases like
this
 one,
museums
 are not always equipped with interesting exhibits, because except for the
donations
Add a comma
donations,
show examples
 they cannot accommodate any others, for which they need to pay.
However
, on
international
Correct your spelling
International Museum Day
show examples
museum
 day, all the
museums
 are open to the public, charge free or with a symbolic price ticket. In that way, everyone who is interested is welcome even if they cannot afford the entrance.
On the other hand
, being charged for the
museum
 entrance is a form of respect
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the services and the exhibits you are interested in seeing. It is generally accepted that citizens who are willing to pay in order to visit
such
 places
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 are fascinated by the history or art.
For instance
,
while
 I visited Athens, I was excited to see every
museum
 that contained Greek ancient history, so I literally visited and paid for every single one of them. I choose
this
 form of entertainment above others, and
this
 I believe should be the approach to
this
 matter. Ultimately, there are several options for those who are interested in visiting an institution irrelevant of
fee
Correct article usage
the fee
show examples
 price. Charging for an entrance, is like a charge in every other service,
while
 it can be a form of respect to the work
that is
 being done there in order to preserve the exhibits.
Submitted by margaritasil on

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion to enhance task achievement. This makes your stance clear from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing more distinct paragraphs for your arguments. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea. This can improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. Think about adding transitions that indicate contrast, cause, and effect, or addition to enhance coherence.
task achievement
To further support your main points, include more specific examples and explain why these examples are significant. This can make your arguments more persuasive and improve task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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