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Band 4.5

computers do not help children learn more effectively. On the contrary the use of computer has a negative effect on children’s physical and mental development. Do you agree or disagree?

#computers #children #computer #effect #children’s #development
Computers
 are common digital devices nowadays and it is used in helping
children
 to learn.
However
, some
people
 believe that
computers
 are not helpful for
children
 to learn more and
it
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 would cause adverse effects on the physical and mental development of
children
. I disagree
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 statement absolutely.
First,
computers
 can provide
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
valuable learning information to
children
 to improve their understanding
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their subjects. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
,
children
 can search
something
Change preposition
for something
show examples
 they may not familiar
by
Change preposition
with by
show examples
 using the Internet. The internet would supply different information to explain the theories or reasons. It may help
children
 to figure out their studying field. Nowadays, Artificial
Intelligences
Fix the agreement mistake
Intelligence
show examples
also
 become
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 popular
tools
Fix the agreement mistake
tool
show examples
 for
people
 to search
knowledge
Change preposition
for knowledge
show examples
such
 as Chatgpt. It is convenient for
children
 to
use
 AI to help them solve challenges faced in their academic journey. Some
people
 may think using
computers
 still is negative for the development of
children
 because
children
 may be addicted to
use
Change the verb form
using
show examples
computers
.
However
, it is thought that using
computers
 is not beneficial for
children
 because some
children
 lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
self-discipline by some
people
. It is not a well-rounded statement. If parents and other
people
 can help
children
 to build a proper attitude
to
Change preposition
toward using
show examples
use
computers
, kids
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 enjoy the benefits of using
computers
 to study. Parents may set some rules for
children
 using
computers
such
 as
restrict
Wrong verb form
restricting
show examples
 the time of
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
computers
 to
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
children
abuse
Wrong verb form
abusing
show examples
computers
. It is useful to reduce the risk of getting negative effects of using
computers
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
.
Overall
, using
computers
 can provide advantages to the study of
children
.
Children
also
 need to be
self-discipline
Replace the word
self-disciplined
show examples
 to
use
computers
 to prevent adverse effects of using
computers
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains one clear main idea that you expand upon. This helps in maintaining logical flow and depth of discussion.
coherence cohesion
Introductions and conclusions are important to frame your argument. Your introduction is clear, but your conclusion could more explicitly summarize your key points and stance.
task achievement
Support your arguments with specific examples. While you've mentioned AI like ChatGPT, citing specific, real-world examples of how computers aid learning can strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Be attentive to the balance of your essay. Ensure both sides of the argument (agreeing and disagreeing) are represented, but make sure to emphasize your stance more.
coherence cohesion
Review and ensure the use of diverse and accurate phrases and vocabulary. It enhances the clarity and persuasiveness of your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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