IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communicate had has a negative effect on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#people #computers #phones #effect #people’s #skills
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In today's digital age, the
internet
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 has become an integral part of
children
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's lives, providing them with unruled access to information and opportunities for social interaction.
However
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, the unsupervised use of the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 among young
children
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 can have some facilities . One of the primary dangers of unsupervised
internet
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 use among young
children
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 is exposure to inappropriate content. With unrestricted access to websites and social media platforms,
children
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 may inadvertently come across explicit or violent material
that is
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 not suitable for their age.
This
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 can have dramatical effects on their psychological development and moral values, leading to trauma
Moreover
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, unsupervised
internet
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 use exposes
children
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 to online predators who exploit their innocence own purposes. Predators may introduce themselves as peers or authority figures to gain the trust of
children
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, ultimately manipulating them into sharing personal information or engaging in inappropriate
behavior
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behaviour
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.
Such
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 encounters can have devastating consequences, including abduction or cyberbullying.
Furthermore
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, excessive reliance on
the
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apply
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internet
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 socialization can affect
children
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’s interpersonal skills and socializing offline . Spending prolonged hours online may lead to social isolation ,
dependency
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and dependency
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 on virtual interactions .
As a result
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 it
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causes
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cause
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causes
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 with loss of offline chatting skills . In conclusion , the unsupervised
internet
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 access of young
children
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 to the
internet
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 poses significant risks to their safety and private information . To address
this
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 issue , it is essential for
parent
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parents
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, educators or elder people to check their
children
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’s social
life
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lives
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 and take proactive measures to safeguard
children
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 online. By fostering a supportive environment that balances activities
offline
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and offline
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 experiences , we can safeguard
children
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 .
Submitted by elnur.adil on

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task achievement
Focus on addressing the exact topic given and ensure your response directly relates to the prompt about the impact of computer and mobile phone use on young people's reading and writing skills. Consider revising your essay to align more closely with the specific topic.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure the logical flow of ideas through better use of transitional phrases and a clear sequence of points. Aim for smoother connections between each section of your essay to enhance readability and clarity.
task achievement
Support your main points with more detailed and relevant examples or data, specifically focused on the topic. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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