The graph below gives information about the price of bananas in four countries between 1994 and 2004.

The graph below gives information about the price of bananas in four countries between 1994 and 2004.
These days the majority of employers require good social
skills
.
While
these social
skills
could improve employee management and bring effective networking, these
could
Verb problem
apply
show examples
social
skills
could not determine exact
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
and abilities.
Firstly
, social
skills
play
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
role
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
. Because they could improve employee management, as
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social
skills
can effectively engage and motivate employees.
Moreover
, social
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
like good communication could increase effective networking by creating
friendly
Add an article
a friendly
show examples
and positive atmosphere between colleagues.
For example
, it is proven that if colleagues in companies get on well and share their ideas with each other,
organisation
Add an article
the organisation
an organisation
show examples
will be more successful.
Thus
, the importance of having social
skills
is required more nowadays. On the opposite, having only social
skills
does not mean that
this
employee is qualified. There are more
skills
that determine an efficient worker
such
as problem-solving
skills
, decision making and research
skills
.
For example
, not every profession
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
good communicational
skills
such
as doctors they need
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
for
treatment
Correct article usage
the treatment
show examples
of
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
.
Therefore
, good qualification for job success is not determined by only social
skills
. In conclusion,
while
social
skills
could bring benefits like social networking and engaging management, it is not enough for job success.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "for example, such, while".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words skills with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "improve" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • price fluctuation
  • steady increase/decrease
  • significant rise/drop
  • trend
  • noticeable
  • comparison
  • contrast
  • highest
  • lowest
  • throughout the period
  • stable
  • volatile
  • potential reasons
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