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Some people believes that parents force their children to get sucess but other believes they need to teach them values of cooperation? Give your opinion with relevant examples?

#people #parents #force #children #sucess #values #cooperation
Some argue that kids are being forced by their mom and dad to succeed,
while
others
 think that they should be taught the importance of being cooperative
instead
.
Although
 imposing the importance of success
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
 can force them to
work
 hard, I believe that cooperation is more important because it teaches them to
work
 on a team. On the one hand, forcing
children
 to be successful in life can help them to
work
 hard. Instilling
this
 mindset on them can make them believe that if they
work
 hard enough they will be able to achieve anything they want in life. They will be more competitive and
this
 can
also
 enhance their confidence,
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 they will be more successful.
For instance
, Elon Musk said that he was more motivated to do well in school because his parents expected him to be a dean's lister when he was studying.
However
, teaching kids to be cooperative is more important because it can help them to
work
 on a team. Cooperation teaches
children
 the value of working with
others
. It can help them learn that sharing the workload can get things done faster. It does not only help them know their
strenghts
Correct your spelling
strengths
 and weaknesses but
as well as
others
,
thus
,
this
 collaboration can achieve greater success.
For example
,most company
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 their employee to be a good team player because they know that
this
 is essential for the growth of the company.
Hence
, I believe that working with
others
 plays a more
imporatant
Correct your spelling
important
 role in
children
's lives. In conclusion, though forcing a child to be successful
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 them to
work
 harder, I think that cooperation teaches them the importance of working with
others
.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

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Introduction
Expand your introduction by offering a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the question, specifying your stance more assertively.
Coherence
Enhance logical flow by using a wider range of cohesive devices and transitions between paragraphs. This will help readers follow your argument more smoothly.
Examples
In the body paragraphs, provide more in-depth examples to support your points. Specific, detailed examples will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Conclusion
A more comprehensive conclusion that not only restates your main points but also reflects on the implications or offers a final insight would make your essay more impactful.
Task Response
Try to cover all aspects of the task more thoroughly, including addressing counterarguments or alternative viewpoints to enrich your discussion.
Structure
Your essay presents a clear topic for each paragraph, which helps in maintaining a neat organizational structure.
Topic Relevance
You’ve centered your argument around key values—success driven by pressure versus the importance of cooperation, which is a strong, relevant topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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