Some people argue that arts such as painting and music are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement
WHILST OTHER PEOPLE ARE DEBATING IF ARTS INCLUDING PAINTING AND MUSIC ARE DRAINING THE FUNDS OF THE
GOVERNMENT
,SOME BELIEVE THAT THIS
MONEY IS BETTER OFF TO BE SPENT ON OTHER PUBLIC NEEDS.I STRONGLY AFFIRM THE LATTER VIEW AS THERE ARE OTHER NECESSITIES THAT THE GOVERNMENT
SHOULD FOCUS ON, AND THIS
INCLUDES POVERTY . PRESENTLY, MANY FAMILIES FROM DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE WORLD ARE EXPERIENCING difficulty TO ITS HIGHER LEVEL ,TO THE EXTENT THAT THEY COULD NOT EAT MEALS AT LEAST THREE TIMES A DAY AND CAN NOT PROVIDE FOR THE BASIC NEEDS OF THEIR FAMILY AND THEMSELVES.FOR INSTANCE
, IT WAS RECORDED THAT MANY FILIPINO PEOPLE SUFFERED IN starvation BECAUSE OF THE LACK OF JOBS.AS A RESULT
,MOST OF THEM ARE LIVING IN SLUMS AND IN BAD CONDITIONS DUE TO
NEGLECT FROM THE GOVERNMENT
. FURTHERMORE
,FOCUSING ON ARTS LIKE PAINTING AND MUSIC IS NOT REALISTIC AS NOT ALL PEOPLE CAN ENJOY THIS
KIND OF TALENT.GIVING ATTENTION TO MORE IMPERATIVE NEEDS OF THE POOR CAN HELP THEM ALLEVIATE THEIR DAILY HARDSHIPS.MOREOVER
,THIS
WILL IMPROVE THE LIFE OF EVERY CITIZEN AS THEY CAN MANAGE TO EARN A LIVING WITH THE HELP OF THE GOVERNMENT
.AND IN TURN,IT CAN BOOST THE MORALE AND MOTIVATION OF EACH INDIVIDUAL SUFFERING IN POVERTY. IN A NUTSHELL,I STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT THE GOVERNMENT
SHOULD ALLOCATE THEIR FUNDS TO SOLVING MORE SERIOUS PROBLEMS THAN JUST DRAINING THEIR BANK ACCOUNTS TO SOME ARTS THAT CAN NOT BE BENEFITED
ALL OF THE CONSTITUENTS, SPECIALLY THOSE WHO REALLY AND BADLY NEED THE FUNDSWrong verb form
BENEFIT
Submitted by LECORMOON88 on
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Task Achievement
For stronger task achievement, ensure you fully address all parts of the prompt. Consider exploring both views before presenting your conclusion to add depth to your argument.
Task Achievement
Work on making your ideas clearer and more comprehensive. Be mindful of using examples that directly support your main points for more effective communication of your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate varied sentence structures and more precise vocabulary to enhance the overall clarity and impact of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This structure aids in developing a logical flow of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider revising the essay to use capital letters appropriately. Capitalizing the entire essay makes it challenging to read and understand.
Task Achievement
You've chosen a clear stance, which is good for the task achievement.
Task Achievement
You provided specific examples, which helps to support your argument.
Task Achievement
You clearly expressed your opinion, making your position on the issue clear from the outset.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
