Some people think that success in life comes from hardword and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is a belief that determination and
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
create
success
Replace the word
a successful
show examples
career
whereas
the other approves of many crucial contributors
for instance
appearance and finance.
This
essay agrees that making
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
show examples
must be the key to
success
due to
the
indepence
Correct your spelling
independence
and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social criteria despite the fact that having
acceptable
Correct article usage
an acceptable
show examples
appearance usually fulfils
people
's
desire
Fix the agreement mistake
desires
show examples
. It is vital to understand that having undergone various circumstances in daily life under
deterimination
Correct your spelling
determination
provides the individuals the ability to fully manage any plans independently. To explain,
hardworking
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
indirectly
enrichs
Correct your spelling
enriches
enrich
organizational skills,
straightforwardly
Correct word choice
and straightforwardly
show examples
provides one's manipulation of a specific field.
As a result
, there will be a significant
improve
Replace the word
improvement
show examples
in productivity
as well as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
minimal reliability on any forces,
thus
leads
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
to later
success
.
On the other hand
, having
attractive
Correct article usage
an attractive
show examples
outlook easily satisfies
people
's desire
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
beauty
while
finance plays a crucial role in encouraging investors. To comprehend, there is a tendency that increasingly
people
will follow the ruch for numerous purposes
such
as tacking benefits,
therefore
gradually promote
succes
Correct your spelling
success
.
However
, it can be
reffered
Correct your spelling
referred
from the society that the majority of inhabitants do not own
this
potential originally. From
this
writer's experience,
people
are better equipped for later
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
with determination. In detail, there is no doubt that presently social criteria
concentrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
concentrate
show examples
on internal qualities
such
as knowledge and self-confidence rather than external expressions.
This
is because
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
successful career triggered by
hardworking
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
depicts the practical
attemp
Correct your spelling
attempt
and ability of an individual, which will gain
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
widespread acceptance.
Consequently
,
people
can avoid unwanted
judgement
Correct your spelling
judgment
show examples
among the public regarding financial issues
as well as
appearance. Obviously,
this
essay has outlined the main factors for choosing determination as the most logical path
lead
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to
success
.
Therefore
,
people
should
Correct your spelling
contemplate
comtemplate
Verb problem
apply
show examples
avoid focusing on developing physical outlook and financial background

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General advice
Continue practicing to develop your ideas even more comprehensively and ensure clarity by occasionally reviewing grammar and vocabulary use.
Grammar & Spelling
Be mindful of minor typographical and grammatical errors to maintain the high quality of your work. For example, pay attention to spelling words correctly ('ruch' should be 'rush', 'indepence' should be 'independence') and using the correct tenses and prepositions.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking words and transitional phrases to enhance the flow of your essay even further.
Task Response
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing a clear stance.
Supporting Detail
Good use of examples and explanations to support your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Clear and logical organization of paragraphs, which aids in the reader's understanding.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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