The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in canada in two different years

#show #devices #people #age #group #television #canada #two #years

The given graphs illustrate the information about the proportion of the devices which were used for watching

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show examples

by the 18-25 year olds in Canada in 2009 and 2019.

Overall

it is clear that

category

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the category

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of convention

sharply decreased

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apply

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while

the proportion of tablet and flat-screen

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TVs

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significantly increased in 2019.

According to

the pie chart for 2009, the figure for convention

was dominant

with

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34%. As for desktop

computer

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computers

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and

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laptops

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laptop

Add a comma

laptop,

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figures constituted more or less the same point and stood at approximately 20%. The percentage of mobile

phone

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phones

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accounted for less than a fifth.

Finally

, devices like

tablet

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tablets

show examples

and flat-screen

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TVs

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were the least popular in watching television among

Correct article usage

the 18

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to 25 age group. In 2019, flat-screen and mobile

phone

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phones

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were by far the most useable

devises

Replace the word

devices

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for watching

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show examples

among

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

18-

25 olds

Correct your spelling

25-year-olds

with 27% and 26%, respectively.

Similarly

, desktop

computer

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computers

show examples

and

Laptop

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laptops

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had an identical

per cent

Correct your spelling

percentage

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of 12. The percentage of

tablet

Fix the agreement mistake

tablets

show examples

accounted for almost a fifth,

while

the category of conventional

made up just 4%.

Submitted by ina1_95 on Thu Mar 28 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words tv with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

176 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pie charts
18 to 25 age group
devices
watch television
Canada
comparison
shift
preferences
mobile devices
traditional televisions
technological advancements
television viewing habits

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The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in canada in two different years

In today's world, many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

Many person are opting for several career options as compared to a single career option to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that technology has made man more social and others think that it has made him less social. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Living in large cities today poses many problems for people. What are these problems? Should governments encourage more people to live in smaller towns?