Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to only be meant for adults. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes, and what solutions can be offered?
Nowadays not only the adults suffer from obesity and being overweight but
also
we witness the prevalence of this
issue among young children. There are many reasons lead
to Correct pronoun usage
that lead
this
issue and fortunately there will be various viable solutions to alleviate the potential danger which it may follow.
Initially
, the changing of life styles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
due to
the wide spread
use of the Internet and Correct your spelling
widespread
also
the increasing number of private cars should be taken into consideration. Today we can not imagine any daily duties which cannot be operated through the Internet. From shopping various day to day
products to different online services Add a hyphen
day-to-day
such
as gardening, cleaning, carwashing and so on. The community become lazier and less physical
active than before as they prefer to benefit from modern ways of doing daily chores rather than doing Change the adjective
physically
by
their selves. Correct pronoun usage
them by
On the other hand
, the upward growth of fastfood
consumption which is easily Correct your spelling
fast food
fast-food
accessable
via Correct your spelling
accessible
the
online food shopping platforms Correct article usage
apply
which
Correct word choice
and
has
become more viral thanks to their eye-catching advertisements is a decisive factor in Change the verb form
have
this
regard. Finally
, the comfort of driving and seating
in private cars Verb problem
sitting
instead
of using public transportaion
or walking to commute throughout the cities can lead to more fat people who extensively suffer from lack of physical activity apart from weak Correct your spelling
transportation
nutritions
Correct your spelling
nutrition
that is
caused by fast food.
Fortunately, there are many viable solutions which can be implemented to decrease the nagative
effects of Correct your spelling
negative
this
trend. First,
the governments should impose hefty
Add an article
a hefty
tax
on the Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
fastfood
producers Correct your spelling
fast food
fast-food
as well as
enforce necessary laws in order to raise the
public awareness about the adverse consequences of Correct article usage
apply
extereme
consumption of Correct your spelling
extreme
fastfoods
. Correct your spelling
fast foods
Moreover
, the
parents should teach their children the importance of having Correct article usage
apply
healthy
diet and daily exercises and encourage them Add an article
a healthy
by obeying
Change preposition
to obey
this kind
of habits on a regular basis Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
by
Change preposition
apply
themselves
. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Finally
, all parts of society should try to walk or use bicycle
in order to reach their routine destinations and make efforts to convert Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
this
healthy means of transport to become more and more viral for all of the people.
In conclusuion
, since there Correct your spelling
conclusion
are
Change the verb form
is
wide
range of people Add an article
a wide
in
different ages who Change preposition
of
affected
by Add a missing verb
are affected
the
modern Correct article usage
apply
life styles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
in
Change preposition
on
a
negative side Correct article usage
the
as
being obese, it is necessary to address Change preposition
of
this
problem seriously and implement feasible approaches in order to have healthier generations in future.Submitted by maede.shabani on
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task achievement
The essay addresses the task quite thoroughly. However, providing more specific and varied examples would strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could mention particular health campaigns or initiatives that have been successful in combating childhood obesity.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining your logical structure and flow. While the essay is generally cohesive, some areas could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas. Using linking words and phrases more effectively will enhance readability.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, discussing both the causes and potential solutions to childhood obesity, which demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively frame the essay. The conclusion neatly summarizes the discussion and reinforces the main points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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