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Band 7

Nowadays people are choosing to socialise online rather than to face. Is this a positive or negative development ?

#people #socialise #face #development
This
 day social online are chosen by
people
 more frequently than to meet each other to face. Generally, we live in the modern world, where
people
 can use any technology. So
this
 can cause a large problem, like
people
's poor social skills.
This
 social disaster made humans definitely the laziest that ever been. But how does
this
 problem appear and how we can deal with it ? First of all, the main cause of
this
 trouble with sociality is our gadgets. In the past,
people
 with autism or other mental health problems suffered from anti-social lifestyles. But today, most of the outer world a large problems with socialising in real life, because a quarantine (COVID-19) closed us in our homes. So all we have to do is sit in
houses
Correct pronoun usage
our houses
show examples
 and contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others by gadgets and phones. At the same time, the whole world was destroyed by the fear of not getting infected by the virus. In the same way,
this
 accident was about 2 years, and it was enough to change society in a negative direction.
Nevertheless
, society will never change back to a normal lifestyle. Anyway, we have a small chance to become a little bit better.
Firstly
 we must train ourselves to spend time without gadgets.
For instance
, spend time at the picnics or hiking.
Secondly
, we must try to find more and more new friends in real life, to develop our social skills. And mainly we need to be healthy
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because healthy humans have more chances to be popular among other
people
. From my point of view, I suffer from the same problem, and I definitely argue that online socializing is a negative development!
Submitted by nigora1629 on

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Vocabulary
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your points more precisely.
Grammar
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors for improved clarity.
Content
Consider exploring both the positive and negative sides of online socializing to provide a more balanced argument.
Content
Your essay provides a clear stance on the topic, which is great for the task achievement.
Coherence
You organized your essay well with a logical structure, making it easy to follow.
Examples
The real-world examples used, such as the impact of COVID-19, help strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media platforms
  • online interactions
  • virtual communication
  • global community
  • interpersonal skills
  • digital divide
  • cyberspace
  • virtual presence
  • social networking
  • mental wellbeing
  • digital literacy
  • safe spaces
  • marginalized groups
  • face-to-face communication
  • socialisation
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