IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some families think the best way to take care of their aging parents is to care for them at home. Others believe that it is better for their parents to live in a special home for the elderly. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

The issue of taking
care
Use synonyms
 of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 has sparked a significant debate between those who believe that adults should look after their
parents
Use synonyms
 at home and others who advocate the importance of special homes for ageing individuals.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views in detail and explain why I support the second perspective. On the one hand,
first,
Linking Words
a myriad of
people
Use synonyms
 consider that it is their responsibility to take
care
Use synonyms
 of their
parents
Use synonyms
 because , during their childhood and adolescence, they were looked after very well despite their financial situation or other issues.
Second,
Linking Words
some special homes are not governed properly. To illustrate, they do not manage the budget in a good way and exploit it for themselves.
Thus
Linking Words
, these places are not recommendable and cannot pay enough attention to ageing
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in the modern world, almost everyone has a rigorous schedule at their workplaces or education centres. Experiencing a challenging day frequently causes high stress levels which leads them to reluctance to spend their time talking or looking after their elderly
parents
Use synonyms
. To give an example, generally, when
people
Use synonyms
 feel exhausted, they prefer to take
care
Use synonyms
 of themselves.
That is
Linking Words
 why, they are usually unwilling to take
care
Use synonyms
 of others.
In addition
Linking Words
, these days, affording staple needs for a human is becoming harder because of continuous inflation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 need special treatment
due to
Linking Words
 their old age,
such
Linking Words
 as purchasing medicines regularly and visiting hospitals frequently for check-ups.
Therefore
Linking Words
, adults, sometimes, are not able to spend both their time and money on them. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 consider that only they can take
care
Use synonyms
 of their
parents
Use synonyms
,
due to
Linking Words
 lack of financial availability and time shortage individuals cannot invest their full energy and money in elderly
people
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that special homes are beneficial for the treatment of elderly
people
Use synonyms

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion, but it could be more engaging. Try to use a hook to draw readers in.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea, and ensure that your points are well connected. Use linking words to improve flow, such as 'furthermore' or 'however'.
task response
Provide more specific examples or details to support your arguments. This can help strengthen your points and make your essay more persuasive.
task response
Your opinion is clearly stated in the introduction and remains consistent throughout the essay.
task response
You make valid points regarding the challenges of caring for elderly parents at home, especially concerning time and financial constraints.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: