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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The tables give information about the temperatures and hours of daylight in London and Sydney during the same weekend in December 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The tables give information about the temperatures and hours of daylight in London and Sydney during the same weekend in December 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The tables display the temperatures and hours of daylight in two countries, London and Sydney
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same weekend in December 2018 from
28th
Correct article usage
the 28th
show examples
 -
30th
Correct article usage
the 30th
show examples
 of December 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, it clearly can be seen that London
annd
Correct your spelling
and
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 had a total
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
 in every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as temperature degree,sunrise, and sunset time. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
terms of the features in London, the temperature started at 9
derajat
Correct your spelling
degrees
 celcius
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the first
day
Use synonyms
, and
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the second
day
Use synonyms
 increased to 13, before
went
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 down
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
day
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the sunrise started at 05.45 and
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 stable
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the second
day
Use synonyms
, and after that
steap
Correct your spelling
step
 back a
minutes
Correct quantifier usage
few minutes
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
30th
Correct article usage
the 30th
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 the sunset
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 relatively stable until the
last
Linking Words
day
Use synonyms
. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the all features in Sydney,
Correct article usage
the tempature
show examples
tempature
Correct your spelling
temperature
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
28th
Correct article usage
the 28th
show examples
 had a maximum
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 26
derajat
Correct your spelling
degrees
 celcius, and it
experienced
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
remain
Replace the word
remained
show examples
 stable until
30th
Correct article usage
the 30th
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the sunrise and sunset
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 relatively stable until the
last
Linking Words
day
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by teretryandbuy on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words day with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • temperatures
  • hours of daylight
  • comparison
  • London
  • Sydney
  • December 2018
  • weekend
  • information
  • data
  • summarise
  • select
  • report
  • features
  • analysis
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