IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people advocate the death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society.Describe the advantages and disadvantages of the death penalty and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #advocate #death #penalty #crimes #punishment #society
The death penalty has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
many opinions, some believe
that is
 the best solution for violent crimes
however
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 others denote
that is
 not acceptable in our times.
Overall
, in light of the death penalty, It is a hard
way
 to trying to decrease violent crimes, but
on the other hand
, it is the best
way
 to eliminate from the earth, people who had
this
 instinct to rape or murder citizens that not do anything to deserve to end with their lives.
For example
, if is our son, I truly believe that
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any parent never
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 that something to happen to their child. A drawback for a handful of people is
because
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 is a severe
way
 to punish for a crime.
However
, we need to think about, what
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 if is someone that we know, a relative or someone that we love.
In contrast
, what other
way
 do we have to be sure that
this
 person never commits again a crime
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 What occur if our sister was raped, what punishment do we think is
according to
this
 sort of crime, that could make up for the victim.
To sum up
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 huge differences between benefits and disadvantages
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
how
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 society needs to talk about and make hard decisions about
this
 topic, putting our feelings outside and realizing that the person is going to be punished could be ourselves.
Submitted by catherina.manrique.aguinaga on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve your essay, it would be useful to clearly structure your paragraphs. Begin with an introduction that outlines your main points, follow with body paragraphs that discuss the advantages and disadvantages separately, and conclude with a clear, concise statement that reflects your opinion.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully by providing specific examples that support each advantage and disadvantage of the death penalty. Examples improve clarity and help the reader understand your point of view.
language accuracy
Remember to proofread your essay for grammar and punctuation errors to ensure clarity and coherence in your written expression.
content knowledge
You've touched upon important aspects of the debate around the death penalty, showing awareness of its complexity.
personal voice
Your essay reflects a personal and passionate perspective, which can engage the reader effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advocates
  • Capital punishment
  • Contemporary society
  • Violent crimes
  • Deterrence
  • Retribution
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Imprisonment
  • Innocent
  • Unethical
  • Inhumane
  • Misuse
  • Legal systems
  • Heinous crimes
  • Closure
  • Moral concerns
What to do next:
Look at other essays: