IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The preventing and reducing global environmental damage lies with politicians, as there are very little the individuals can do about this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#damage #politicians #individuals
There is no doubt that damaging
of
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to
show examples
nature
 around the globe is on the increase.
while
 several people believe that
politicians
 have a significant
role
to prevent
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in preventing
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 and
reduce
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reducing
show examples
this
 damage,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 argue that they have only minimal things can do. I completely agree with the former view as ample reasons are present to
substnatiate
Correct your spelling
substantiate
 it which will explain in
this
 essay. First and foremost,
Politicians
 and leaders in each country have an undeniable
role
to
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in
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prenvent
Correct your spelling
prevent
 actions which are detrimental to the environment.
In other words
,
politicians
 are the
policy makers
Correct your spelling
policymakers
show examples
,
therefore
, they can introduce strict rules to protect
nature
. To illustrate, political leaders in Germany
introduce
Wrong verb form
introduced
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 a new policy to promote
natural friendly
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natural-friendly
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 industries.
Similarly
,
politicians
 can force
to
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apply
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authorities to implement natural friendly construction for city development.
constrcting
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constructing
constricting
 more green spaces in cities will reduce the
distruction
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destruction
distraction
 of natural
habitat
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habitats
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 for urban animals.
Furthermore
, public awareness
is
Verb problem
plays
show examples
 a
viotal
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vital
role
to prevent
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in preventing
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 damage to the environment. In detail,
over consumerism
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over-consumerism
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 is one of the obvious reasons
of
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for
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 the damage
of
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to
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nature
 on the earth.
Politicians
 can play an imperative
role
to promote
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in promoting
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 natural friendly material to
public
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the public
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 as they are
the
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apply
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role
 models for the public.
For example
, the Netherlands'
politicians
 helped
to
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apply
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the government for public
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 for
implimenting
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implementing
ban
Correct article usage
a ban
show examples
of
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on
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plastic bags and
platic
Correct your spelling
plastic
 water bottles in the country.
Moreover
,
Politician
Fix the agreement mistake
politicians
show examples
 can force
to
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apply
show examples
governments to improve public transportation facilities. By doing
this
 carbon
emission
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emissions
show examples
 caused by private vehicles can significantly
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
. In conclusion,
politician
Fix the agreement mistake
politicians
show examples
 can save
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
 not only
introduce
Change preposition
by introducing
show examples
 new
policy
Fix the agreement mistake
policies
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 to protect
but
Correct pronoun usage
it but
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also
do
Verb problem
by raising
show examples
 public awareness to reduce
Add an article
the
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use of unsustainable products. I believe that
politicians
 have an imperative
role
to protect
Change preposition
in protecting
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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Content Development
Continue to focus on providing clear and comprehensive ideas, ensuring that each paragraph has a central topic that is fully explored.
Language Use
Enhance your coherence and cohesion by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to more effectively connect ideas.
Language Use
Focus on accurate and varied sentence structure to improve the readability and sophistication of your essay.
Accuracy
Remember to proofread your essay for minor spelling or grammatical errors to polish your final submission.
Content Development
You presented a thought-provoking and clear stance on the topic, aligning the essay towards a specific viewpoint effectively.
Content Development
Your use of relevant examples, such as policies in Germany and the Netherlands, strengthens your argument and illustrates your points well.
Organisation
The logical structure of your essay, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, aids in clear communication of your ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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