IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows average temperatures in Paris, Dubai and Sydney

The graph shows average temperatures in Paris, Dubai and Sydney
#temperatures #paris #dubai #sydney
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The chart compares three major cities in terms of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
moderate
temperatures
Use synonyms
 beginning from January to
December
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the three massive regions experienced different trends in the time period.
While
Linking Words
 the large cities
such
Linking Words
 as Dubai and Paris go up with some fluctuations, the approximately other region Sydney
go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
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 down slightly in
this
Linking Words
 period. As the graph shows the major city Dubai started by 19%
temperatures
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 in January, followed by a small growth to around 36%
temperatures
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 in August.
Then
Linking Words
 it declined steadily until it fell to just over 20$
Use synonyms
temperatures
Correct your spelling
20
 in
December
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.
Regarding
Correct word choice
apply
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Paris region
has
Wrong verb form
had
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 a significant increase
by
Change preposition
of
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 16% in June , but
this
Linking Words
 city has
a
Correct article usage
apply
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moderate growth with some variations from August to
December
Use synonyms
. The next Sydney
begun
Wrong verb form
began
show examples
 by 24% in January and during
this
Linking Words
 period
have
Wrong verb form
had
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 a gradual decline with some fluctuations ,
then
Linking Words
 it increased considerably in May by 16% to 23% in
December
Use synonyms
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words temperatures, december with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderate" was used 2 times.
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