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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the result of a survey of adult education. The first chart shows the reason why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared. Write a report for a university lecturer, describing the information shown below.

The charts below show the result of a survey of adult education. The first chart shows the reason why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared. Write a report for a university lecturer, describing the information shown below.
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The bar chart encapsulates the contributing factors that have influenced adults’ decisions to
study
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart illustrates the ideal notion
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 how the tuition fee should be apportioned in society.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of respondents share their learning purpose because keen on studying the subject. As for the fund, the survey
reveal
Change the verb form
reveals
show examples
 the one who has the biggest responsibility to pay
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
study
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 those who decide to enroll in a course.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar chart, having
interest
Add an article
an interest
show examples
in particular
Linking Words
 subjects
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
show examples
 to predominate the decision of 40%
adults
Change preposition
of adults
show examples
 to take courses. Following that reason, the desire to gain qualifications comes as the second biggest
contributors
Fix the agreement mistake
contributor
show examples
 to 38% of them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are 22% of adult people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
see that continuing their
Use synonyms
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 can be helpful for their current job. Meanwhile, the ambition to improve prospects of promotion
as well as
Linking Words
desire
Add an article
the desire
a desire
show examples
 to learn or
study
Use synonyms
 are chosen by 20% of adult respondents as their
study
Use synonyms
 reasons.
Finally
Linking Words
, only less than 15% admit that their
study
Use synonyms
 aims are
due to
Linking Words
 their expectations to have a career shift and meet other people, which accounts for 12% and 9%, respectively. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the tuition fee, it can be seen from the survey that 40% of funds should come from those who
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 themselves in the course,
whereas
Linking Words
 35% of it must
bepaid
Correct your spelling
be paid
 by the employer.
Finally
Linking Words
, the rest of the fees should be
aided
Verb problem
paid
show examples
 by taxpayers.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words study with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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