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Band 4.5

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #organisation #life #organisations
It is an undeniable truth that a
person
 should
he
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
 loyal to
one
 particular thing. Certain mankind
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
an individual should try different
jobs
instead
 of Staying
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one
job
 all life.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 both statements have their own benefits which are
explai
Correct your spelling
explained
 below in Paragraphs. The first and foremost reason to Stay loyal to the
one
organisation
that
is having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 similar goals by
organisation
Add an article
the organisation
an organisation
show examples
as well as
Add an article
an employee
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 too. In simple words, a
Person
Stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
Stays
show examples
 in
one
job
 because the mission and vision of the company match with
employee
Correct article usage
the employee
show examples
 too.
Secondly
, numerous individuals do not like to go outside of their
comfortzone
Correct your spelling
comfort zone
 and try
differnt
Correct your spelling
different
jobs
. Another Point which can not be overlooked is
great
Correct article usage
the great
show examples
 behaviour of
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
as well as
responsibility
Correct pronoun usage
its responsibility
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 towards
Organisation's
Correct article usage
the Organisation's
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
.
For instance
, Tata group imparts
myraid
Correct your spelling
myriad
 facilities
as well as
 health benefits. to their workers which are not
Provided
Fix capitalization
provided
show examples
 by any other organisations.
This
 kind of behaviour
creats
Correct your spelling
creates
 a good effect on the mind of
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
. It has a negative Point which is,
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
Person
 will not be able to learn new Skills. On the flip side , Changing and trying different
jobs
 in numerous
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
 have advantages too. The first reason which
aid
Verb problem
helped
show examples
 me to
advocates
Wrong verb form
advocate
show examples
this
 Point
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is making
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 or
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 fearless.
In other words
 , a worker will not have fear of not having
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 if he
try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
show examples
 many
jobs
.
Secondly
,
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
job
 or new work life Proffers new skills of
become
Change the verb form
becoming
show examples
adaptive
Add an article
an adaptive
show examples
person
as well as
 enhancing existing Skills. The reason behind
that is
comfortzone
Correct your spelling
comfort
 when a worker
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 beyond it he can learn new things
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
 environment. Another factor is
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 a risk taker.
However
, there is a risk in changing a
job
, if the second
job
 is not useful for
Add an article
the worker
show examples
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 as
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
one
. All in all, in my opinion, to change an
Organisation
 or stay
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 benefits
as well as
 negative effects too. The
Person
 Should
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
decision
Add an article
a decision
show examples
 after knowing both views.
Submitted by akshayashvi07 on

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General
Your essay provides a good attempt at discussing both views and presenting your opinion. To improve, ensure that all paragraphs are well-developed and your ideas are fully explored.
Introduction
Try to have a clear introduction that directly addresses the prompt. Mention the two contrary viewpoints and clearly state your own opinion here to guide your readers.
Structure
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each discussing a specific view or argument. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
Support
Support your points with specific examples or further explanation to strengthen your arguments.
Language
Work on your grammar and vocabulary to improve clarity and fluency. Avoid overly complex sentences if they are not clear or correct. Consider practicing specific sentence structures and expanding your range of vocabulary.
Task Response
Your essay covers both views and mentions your own opinion, fulfilling the basic task requirements.
Content
You have made an effort to discuss the benefits and drawbacks of working for one organization versus many, which shows an attempt to provide a balanced discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
What to do next:
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