IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people belive that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #belive #punishments #type #crime #circumstances #motivation #account #punishment
Generally speaking, different types of crimes should be followed by specific
punishments
. The controversial issue is whether these
punishments
 must be based on the motivations or fixed ones must be applied. Motivation is a crucial factor that must be taken into account. Some people believe that the only determining feature when committing different crimes is the type of
crime
. Whether it is committed intentionally or not, the criminals would be sentenced to the same
punishments
.
For example
, in some countries, execution is the penalty for both who murdered a person in an accident and an individual who is decapitated intentionally.
On the other hand
, some argue that the motivation behind a
crime
 is a crucial factor.
This
 perspective recognizes the intricate nature of human behaviour, where the reasons behind an action can significantly alter the legal outcome. In the previous example, the accused could be acquitted if their motivations were legally deemed to have led to a mistaken
crime
.
This
 complexity invites us to consider the deeper layers of criminal justice.
To sum up
, the intention of committing a
crime
 must be determinative regarding
punishments
. The circumstances may not make the final result different, but they could affect the sentence of the criminals.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay provided a balanced view on the topic and concluded with your own opinion, which aligns well with the task requirement. To further improve, ensure that your opinion is stated clearly in the introduction for stronger task achievement.
Task Achievement
Your essay showed an understanding of the topic and provided a clear position. However, including a wider range of examples and more detailed analysis could enhance your argument and provide a more comprehensive response.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've built a clear structure in your essay, which is excellent for maintaining coherence. To enhance cohesion, you could use more varied transitional phrases to smoothly connect ideas and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
In terms of coherence, your essay logically progresses from one idea to the next which helps the reader follow your argument. Enhancing the depth of your paragraphs with more detailed examples or explanations could make your argument even stronger.
Task Achievement
The essay recognizes the complexity of human behavior and legal outcomes effectively, which is an insightful approach.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the essay's message.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fixed punishments
  • circumstances
  • motivation
  • committing
  • sentencing
  • deters
  • bias
  • infractions
  • extenuating circumstances
  • rehabilitating
  • recidivism
  • tailored interventions
  • humane
  • inconsistencies
  • perceptions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: