Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is true that
whom
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who
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children
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will become in society depends on the people they are surrounded by.
While
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someone
consider
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considers
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teaching
children
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good manners to be
responsibility
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the responsibility
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of
parents
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, others
concerned
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are concerned
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that schools are designed for
this
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purpose. Personally, I agree with both views and in
this
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essay
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essay,
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I am going to discuss it.
To begin
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with, people with whom
children
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contact mostly after their births are
parents
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.
Children
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listen to them and take into account parental
behavior
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behaviour
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and thoughts.
For instance
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, if
child
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the child
a child
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needs a piece of advice, a person he or she will first ask for and listen to is mother or father.
This
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means that
parents
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for them are an example they look up to and admire, they want to be like them.
However
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, it is really important for
parents
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not only to tell how to behave
,
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apply
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but
also
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to show it by their own example. By the way, schools
also
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play an important role in
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children
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children's
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upbringing. Approximately at 6 years old
children
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start going to school where they spend a lot of time and get educated.
Moreover
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, teachers have professional knowledge from university
how
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on how
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to talk with kids,
how
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and how
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to convey information correctly.
This
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also
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means that unlike
parents
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teachers have some psychological knowledge. At
school
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school,
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children
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understand the difference between good and bad things and start to behave the way teachers
reward
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reward them
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.
For instance
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, if one kid got
good
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a good
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grade and for that reason was rewarded by the teacher with good words and
positive
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a positive
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reaction, others would want the same, which will encourage them to study harder and become better. In conclusion,
whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
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children
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will become in the future depends both on
parents
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and school. Each person plays their own role in
child’s
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a child’s
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upbringing.
While
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parents
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are
a
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apply
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role
model
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models
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of
behavior
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behaviour
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for kids, schools provide
children
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with the knowledge of morality and rules.
Submitted by ulianaplo3108 on

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Language use
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Supporting examples
Try to implement more concrete and detailed examples to support your main points. While your existing examples are relevant, further details and specificity can help to strengthen your arguments and provide a clearer illustration of your ideas.
Task achievement
You have done an excellent job of presenting a balanced view on the topic, discussing both sides of the argument before stating your personal opinion. This shows a strong understanding of the task and enhances your essay's comprehensiveness.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This structure aids the reader in understanding your arguments and viewpoints, which is a crucial aspect of coherence and cohesion.
Coherence and cohesion
The use of cohesive devices and transitional phrases throughout your essay effectively links ideas and paragraphs, aiding the flow of your argument. This skill is vital for achieving coherence and helps the reader to follow your thought process.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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