Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is true that
whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
children
will become in society depends on the people they are surrounded by. While
someone consider
teaching Change the verb form
considers
children
good manners to be responsibility
of Add an article
the responsibility
parents
, others concerned
that schools are designed for Add a missing verb
are concerned
this
purpose. Personally, I agree with both views and in this
essay
I am going to discuss it.
Add a comma
essay,
To begin
with, people with whom children
contact mostly after their births are parents
. Children
listen to them and take into account parental behavior
and thoughts. Change the spelling
behaviour
For instance
, if child
needs a piece of advice, a person he or she will first ask for and listen to is mother or father. Add an article
the child
a child
This
means that parents
for them are an example they look up to and admire, they want to be like them. However
, it is really important for parents
not only to tell how to behave,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
to show it by their own example.
By the way, schools also
play an important role in children
upbringing. Approximately at 6 years old Change noun form
children's
children
start going to school where they spend a lot of time and get educated. Moreover
, teachers have professional knowledge from university how
to talk with kids, Change preposition
on how
how
to convey information correctly. Correct word choice
and how
This
also
means that unlike parents
teachers have some psychological knowledge. At school
Add a comma
school,
children
understand the difference between good and bad things and start to behave the way teachers reward
. Correct pronoun usage
reward them
For instance
, if one kid got good
grade and for that reason was rewarded by the teacher with good words and Add an article
a good
positive
reaction, others would want the same, which will encourage them to study harder and become better.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
a positive
whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
children
will become in the future depends both on parents
and school. Each person plays their own role in child’s
upbringing. Correct article usage
a child’s
While
parents
are a
role Correct article usage
apply
model
of Fix the agreement mistake
models
behavior
for kids, schools provide Change the spelling
behaviour
children
with the knowledge of morality and rules.Submitted by ulianaplo3108 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Language use
To further enhance your essay, consider observing a broader range of sentence structures to add variety and complexity to your writing. This can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Supporting examples
Try to implement more concrete and detailed examples to support your main points. While your existing examples are relevant, further details and specificity can help to strengthen your arguments and provide a clearer illustration of your ideas.
Task achievement
You have done an excellent job of presenting a balanced view on the topic, discussing both sides of the argument before stating your personal opinion. This shows a strong understanding of the task and enhances your essay's comprehensiveness.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This structure aids the reader in understanding your arguments and viewpoints, which is a crucial aspect of coherence and cohesion.
Coherence and cohesion
The use of cohesive devices and transitional phrases throughout your essay effectively links ideas and paragraphs, aiding the flow of your argument. This skill is vital for achieving coherence and helps the reader to follow your thought process.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!