IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #sites #impact #individuals #society
In contemporary times, one school of thought holds that social networking platforms play a negative role in each individual and the entire society.
While
 I accept that
this
 perception is somewhat justified, I assert that there are other positive factors that might logically lead to opposition. On the one hand, it is understandable why online communities are in a bad light.
For example
, it could harm children’s awareness. In fact, there are numerous unsuitable or toxic content that teenagers can easily access without any limitation or observation, thereby leading them to imitate bad behaviours,
such
 as bullying, lying, or racism.
Furthermore
, digital social networks could destabilise a nation.
This
 is because these platforms could cause the spread of misleading information and the criminal could take advantage of these false data to influence public opinion or create riots.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons why I declare social media sites could be advantageous to certain extents. One rationale is that it could maintain citizens’ relationships. To be more specific, members of a family, especially those who study abroad or live far away from their home, could interact with each other despite long distances.
Thus
, they could share their emotions and
thought
Correct subject-verb agreement
thoughts
show examples
 via conversations
as well as
 strengthen their ties and reduce potential mental problems. Another justification is that online social websites could contribute to the development of a country.
For example
, gigantic global corporations,
such
 as Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter are likely to earn a huge annual revenue, which could enhance the government budget by paying more taxes.
As a result
, the governing bodies could not only utilise these financial resources to invest to make profits or pass some laws to help the poor. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that Internet networking sites have some serious demerits, I would contend that these applications
also
 have several merits that the public should take into consideration.
Submitted by khoihoangtrong96 on

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Task Achievement
Consider the balance of your arguments, ensuring each side of the argument is thoroughly explored with equal depth. While the essay provides a good range of ideas, a slight imbalance in the development of points for and against can be noted.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to use varied sentence structures and more advanced vocabulary to enhance the complexity and fluency of your writing. This could elevate the engagement and readability of your essay.
Task Achievement
Incorporate precise examples to support each point more effectively. Though examples are present, making them more specific and detailed can strengthen your arguments and provide a clearer illustration of your ideas.
Task Achievement
You've successfully presented a nuanced perspective, acknowledging the complexity of the issue by discussing both the positives and negatives of social networking sites.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay exhibits a logical flow of ideas, benefiting from a well-structured introduction and conclusion that clearly state your viewpoint. This contributes greatly to the readability and cohesiveness of your narrative.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social isolation
  • virtual interactions
  • mental health
  • feelings of inadequacy
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • misinformation
  • destabilize
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • productivity
  • foster connections
  • educational content
  • social activism
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