Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
In modern times, because of advanced technologies, some people state that they do not have personal privacy anymore. I agree with
this
point of view and I will explain why in the following paragraphs.
To start with, monitors are everywhere in Taiwan. You can see a lot of them on streets, roads, buildings, and so on. Therefore
, you have to be careful about whatever you say and what things you have done, because the
Big Brother is watching you. Mobile phones Correct article usage
apply
could
be dangerous because some hackers like to spy on you secretly and watch your Wrong verb form
can
behavior
all day long in order to blackmail you. I believe everyone needs personal space and freedom, and we should not be watched by others. Governments are always watching you. In the past, millions of people died because they were considered revolutionists mistakenly. Almost every country's government in the world sent assassins to murder those who had different opinions from them. Today, they can find more information via technology using. Change the spelling
behaviour
As a result
, they can find more suspicious people. They may know our secret lives. It is pretty scary! I do not want my life to be like this
. I want freedom of thought. Technology may be good for solving cases and chasing criminals, but I do not think it needs to be used on good citizens.
In a nutshell, our lives may be watched by someone entirely, and I think this
development is too over. If we keep developing this
technology, our freedom will be lost step by step.Submitted by edward300225 on
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Content Development
Try to develop a more balanced argument by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the issue. This will provide a more comprehensive response to the prompt.
Structure
Consider using paragraphing more effectively to clearly separate your ideas. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.
Balance and Perspective
Introduce counterarguments or acknowledge the potential benefits of technology for monitoring, to give your essay a more nuanced perspective.
Conclusion
In your conclusion, summarize your main points more clearly to reinforce your argument and provide closure to the reader.
Language Use
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to convey your points more effectively and to keep the reader engaged.
Topic Engagement
You effectively express your concerns about privacy and freedom, which are central to the topic.
Personal Voice
Your essay demonstrates a strong personal standpoint, providing a clear view on the issue.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite