IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter expiatory you want d geta part-time job • suggest how your friend could help you find a job

#country #study #job #friend #lives #help #expiatory #geta
Dear Adam, I hope
this
 letter finds you in good health and in the best of spirits. It’s been a long time since we caught up. I am thrilled to inform you that I am moving to Toronto, Canada for my higher studies.
Furthermore
, I have adopted the same course Business Studies that you had for your graduation. I want to study with my full dedication and hard work to graduate with good grades.
However
, I
also
 need your help to get a part-time job
while
 studying so, that I should be able to cover my basic expenses. I have made a CV for myself and I have gained 3 year's experience as a sales representative with Peel Cars.
Hence
, I have great customer dealing skills.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I have applied to various companies, I have not received any positive response yet. You have been working with Honda sales for the
last
 5 years as sales manager and if you know your company have any vacancies for part-time workers, please refer me. That would be a great help for me from your side. I hope to meet you soon. Yours sincerely, Navneet Kaur.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a consistent level of formality throughout your letter for better coherence. For instance, 'you have been working' could be phrased more formally as 'you have been employed'.
task achievement
Ensure all sentences contribute directly to the task; consider condensing information about your previous job experience to keep the focus on the request for help.
coherence cohesion
The letter has a clear structure with a greeting, body paragraphs, and closing. This helps in understanding the main ideas well.
task achievement
You have clearly mentioned the purpose of writing the letter and included relevant details about your request and background experience.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is friendly yet respectful, which is appropriate for writing to a friend.
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