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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed. However, others believe that zoos can be helpful in protecting wildlife. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.

#people #zoos #wildlife
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The vital role of
animals
 on the Earth is undeniable. It has sparked heated controversies that many people claim
zoos
 are cruel places and should be closed,
whereas
 some people have the opposite points. From my perspective, I totally agree with the former. Admittedly, by using cages to keep
animals
 away from poaching, and forest fires,
zoos
 play a key role in animal conservation. In detail, facing extreme climate and carnivorous
animals
 are the main hazardous factors for creatures to change the environment and conservationists attempt to fix the appropriate environment for them.
Furthermore
, scientists breed the remaining endangered
animals
 in an effort to enhance problems of animal red list.
As a result
, several
animals
 in the world are completely protected by
zoos
.
However
, that protection sometimes is not true for all creatures in the world, particularly in terms of their instincts. Animal characteristics are hunting prey, with the natural forest, they have the ability to develop better compared to zoo cages.
Consequently
, a large amount of
animals
 do not need to be conserved, without
zoos
 or humans, natural cycles are still continuing.
Besides
, it has several cases
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 visitors try to touch, poke, and even bully the natural
animals
 when the zoo staff is not there.
As a consequence
, these creatures even are not safe under the cages
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 humans create for them to "conserve".
That is
 the reason why people have to consider their moralities about environmental issues. In conclusion, even though national
zoos
bring
Verb problem
have
show examples
 positive impacts on the natural environment, I am of the opinion that human preservation exacerbates environmental issues and negatively impacts nature
due to
 their awareness and animal instinct which humans even
do not
Verb problem
apply
show examples
clear about.
Submitted by okookk123456 on

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sentence structure
Be mindful of using a variety of complex sentence structures to further enhance your writing. This can add variety and a higher level of sophistication to your essay.
argument analysis
Continue to explore both sides of an argument comprehensively before presenting your own viewpoint. This demonstrates a clear understanding and analysis of the topic.
proofreading
Make sure to proofread your essay to catch any minor grammatical errors or typographical mistakes. This helps in maintaining clarity and precision in your writing.
balanced argument
Excellent job in discussing both viewpoints comprehensively and presenting a clear, well-supported personal stance.
structure
Your essay structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, strongly contributes to the clarity and coherence of your argument.
use of examples
You have effectively used relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments significantly.
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