IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed. However, others believe that zoos can be helpful in protecting wildlife. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.

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The vital role of
animals
Use synonyms
 on the Earth is undeniable. It has sparked heated controversies that many people claim
zoos
Use synonyms
 are cruel places and should be closed,
whereas
Linking Words
 some people have the opposite points. From my perspective, I totally agree with the former. Admittedly, by using cages to keep
animals
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 away from poaching, and forest fires,
zoos
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 play a key role in animal conservation. In detail, facing extreme climate and carnivorous
animals
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 are the main hazardous factors for creatures to change the environment and conservationists attempt to fix the appropriate environment for them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, scientists breed the remaining endangered
animals
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 in an effort to enhance problems of animal red list.
As a result
Linking Words
, several
animals
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 in the world are completely protected by
zoos
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, that protection sometimes is not true for all creatures in the world, particularly in terms of their instincts. Animal characteristics are hunting prey, with the natural forest, they have the ability to develop better compared to zoo cages.
Consequently
Linking Words
, a large amount of
animals
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 do not need to be conserved, without
zoos
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 or humans, natural cycles are still continuing.
Besides
Linking Words
, it has several cases
which
Change preposition
in which
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 visitors try to touch, poke, and even bully the natural
animals
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 when the zoo staff is not there.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, these creatures even are not safe under the cages
where
Correct word choice
that
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 humans create for them to "conserve".
That is
Linking Words
 the reason why people have to consider their moralities about environmental issues. In conclusion, even though national
zoos
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bring
Verb problem
have
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 positive impacts on the natural environment, I am of the opinion that human preservation exacerbates environmental issues and negatively impacts nature
due to
Linking Words
 their awareness and animal instinct which humans even
do not
Verb problem
apply
show examples
clear about.

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sentence structure
Be mindful of using a variety of complex sentence structures to further enhance your writing. This can add variety and a higher level of sophistication to your essay.
argument analysis
Continue to explore both sides of an argument comprehensively before presenting your own viewpoint. This demonstrates a clear understanding and analysis of the topic.
proofreading
Make sure to proofread your essay to catch any minor grammatical errors or typographical mistakes. This helps in maintaining clarity and precision in your writing.
balanced argument
Excellent job in discussing both viewpoints comprehensively and presenting a clear, well-supported personal stance.
structure
Your essay structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, strongly contributes to the clarity and coherence of your argument.
use of examples
You have effectively used relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments significantly.
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