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Band 7.5

Some people are making new friends by using socializing network website and Internet chat rooms. Some people say that this is a good thing. Other people say that people should make new friends by face-to-face chat. Discuss these views and give your own opinion.

#people #friends #network #website #internet #chat #rooms
Friendship is
one
 of the basic necessities of human beings. In
this
 regard, some of them create it by exploiting the internet
such
 as social networks and web pages and believe that it is a reasonable concept and others say that to make friends
one
 has to meet in person. As we see there are different ideas regarding
this
 issue which will be discussed in
this
 essay. Since human beings'creation, as we have studied in history
people
 have tried to get together and form a union to conduct their tasks. Nowadays,
due to
 technological development,
this
 familiarity transferred to a web system where you see others online.
For instance
, on Instagram application, you can easily send private messages to
one
 whom you like to start a friendship.
In addition
, advocates of
this
 approach believe that they save time
as well as
 money.
Also
, they assume seeing each other online paves the way for a later in-person appointment.
Although
 the internet provides opportunities to get to know the process, there are some drawbacks which hamper the authenticity of
this
 action. A case in point, when
people
 are not confronting directly they can claim numerous things which can not be ensured of their truth. When they do not see each other sending fake photos of them is possible.
Moreover
, sometimes
people
 get accustomed to each other online or even fall in love without being able to visit face to face
due to
 long distances or other reasons which is potentially hazardous to
people
's future lives. In conclusion, there are different approaches to making friendships in the world which are discussed in
this
 essay and in my opinion , in spite of technology facilities and availability there are more disadvantages in an online format and
one
 should take into account different issues to start the desired and credible friendship.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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examples
To improve your score, try to provide more detailed examples that specifically illustrate your points. Use real-life examples or hypothetical scenarios to make your arguments more vivid and persuasive.
sentence variety
Consider diversifying your sentence structures to add variety to your writing. While your essay is generally well-written, utilizing a mix of complex and simple sentences can enhance the readability and dynamism of your text.
transitions
To advance cohesion, work on smoother transitions between paragraphs. Using transitional phrases or sentences can help guide the reader through your arguments in a more fluid manner.
task response
Your essay effectively covers both views on the issue and provides a clear personal opinion, which is excellent for fulfilling the task requirements.
structure
You've done a good job of structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in the overall coherence and cohesion.
examples
The use of specific examples, like the Instagram application for initiating friendship, helps support your main points and enhances the clarity of your ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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