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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Homelessness is increasing in many major cities around the world. What do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

#homelessness #cities #world #measures
It is true that
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of
homelessness increase
Replace the word
homeless people has increased
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 in urban areas in our society.
While
 plenty of factors may lead to
homelessness
, it is suggested to implement some strategies to change the current situation. There are some kinds of problems
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to blame for an upward trend in vagrants. In the majority of urban areas, the cost of housing has increased significantly. They are overtaking salary growth and making it difficult for low-income individuals and families to afford shelters.
Also
, one of the reasons is that some occupations are likely to be replaced by AI, resulting in a lack of job opportunities that can lead to financial instability and
homelessness
.
Moreover
, mental illnesses can impede an individual’s ability to secure and maintain stable shelter.
For example
, addiction can deplete commercial resources and strain social relationships, contributing to vagrants. I believe that the situation can be improved.
Firstly
, it is recommended that governments should invest in the construction and maintenance of affordable housing units,
implementing
Wrong verb form
implement
show examples
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 control rent increases and provide subsidies to low-income families.
Secondly
, companies provide
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
vocational training and support for unemployed individuals that promotes employees’ working capacities, ensuring salaries keep pace with the cost of living.
Additionally
, healthcare agencies ensure that homeless individuals have access to essential medical and mental healthcare services and provide accessible treatment projects for those struggling with addiction.
Thus
, these methods are valuable in enhancing the situation. In conclusion, there are many reasons
result
Correct pronoun usage
that result
show examples
 in vagrants.
However
, various measures can be taken to tackle the situations that are certain to decrease
homelessness
.
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grammar
There are a few grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasings, such as "a number of homelessness." Work on refining sentence structure and grammar to make the writing more polished.
development
Your main points are clear, but some ideas could be more deeply developed. Add more specific examples or explanations to make your arguments more convincing.
cohesion
While the essay has a good logical flow, transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother for a more cohesive reading experience. Using linking words and phrases can help.
understanding
You have clearly identified key causes and solutions for homelessness, which shows a strong understanding of the issue.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a nice frame to your arguments.
content
Your suggestions for solutions are practical and relevant, demonstrating critical thinking.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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